Where to go from here...

Goodbye fair blog.

2011-09-19T10:45:00.001-07:00

This blog really has served me well but somehow it's just not me anymore. This summer changed me and part of the reason I haven't written here is because a lot of what happened was so thoroughly heartbreaking and surreal I hadn't wanted to write about it - but then to ignore it would be to be untrue.

I doubt my writing style has changed much but something has changed - and I'm trying to wonder less where to go and enjoy where I am. But it's been a long way coming and this blog helped a lot. But it's not a simple case of thats me done and dusted - I am simply changing track - my new blog peptartwithaheart.blogspot.com will be where it's at. Check it out.

Goodbye and Thank you. Peace and Love. xxx

Friday - June 10th 2011 - 'Breaking Stones.'

2011-06-10T04:54:00.000-07:00

I once observed in Kerouac’s ‘On the Road,’ that he discussed money a lot. ‘Like what? Is he obsessed with it or something? What is the great hero of the beat generation saying to us? Like it’s all about the money?’ To which my wise and well travelled friend said – ‘that’s just a facet of travelling, you are always thinking about how little money you have and how long it’s realistically going to last you.’
That brief and not particularly deep conversation haunts me at times. Mostly I wish I had loads of money just so I could stop thinking about money. URGH – I just heard somebody thinking ‘welcome to adulthood.’ URGH. But yes and this isn’t a whine. I don’t have any totally necessary outgoings so I’m fine – but blah it’s boring, right? Also if it comes up that I’m like ‘there I was with only 35pence and the shop assistant wanting 36pence for the apples,’ please don’t be like me. A life lesson for you all there really – but don’t assume I’m all about the money, dirdiidumdiddlidum I don’t think it’s funny, to see it fade away! I just get pretty introspective about the repercussions of 1ply toilet roll is all.

'Friday - June 10th 2011 - 'All Change Please.'

2011-06-10T04:44:00.000-07:00

Quite suddenly the desire to write has come back to me. No deep stuff for a while just silly stuff like I used to write. But I suppose as it’s been all change I have to give a very brief brief.
So what was it a very wise and confuzzled woman once wrote? Ah yes, ‘what happens when you finally feel marginally adjusted? Everything changes.’ So some pretty serious stuff happened that caused some less serious stuff to happen – and that outcome is Seth and I broke up, I’m staying in London for the summer and I am definitely keeping ties as wide open as possible with my life in Vancouver. And amongst all the chaos comes serenity and dare I say it – happiness. Someone so candid being so cryptic? Ahh won’t last long I’m sure.

I work in Hampshire looking after the kids three days a week then I do that 4 hour trek to my London loves Lauren and Rose – I chill out, I freak out, I write out. Nice. Surprisingly I have come to love those long train rides, even when I’m loaded up like a mule and I sing to myself ‘Alice the camel had three bags...’ and so forth, I find it fun. Beatnik and all that.

Favourite over heard convos on the train this week...

‘It’s actually a scientific fact that people are only sexually attracted to each other for three years...Yeah...Well because like the human race needs to survive, you know like no libido no human race...Hmm....Oh well three years is how long it takes to have a baby and all that stuff...Yeah...Well after that the relationship or whatever changes if it’s more than three years it just becomes something else...HmmMmm...there’s like a psychological study and it’s called, well I can’t remember what it’s called but I think it’s something like [Insert very obviously fakestudyoftheentirehumanracename]....Oh yeah dead serious.’

I wonder how committed to this theory he is. One evening at the bar he says to a woman, ‘hey darling. Wanna head back to my place for the next three years?’ and then because in this situation she does and they get married and once she’s in her final trimester of her full three years of pregnancy he says, ‘thanks that was fun. I’m off down the bar.’ But don’t feel bad for her – it was three years for her too so she no longer fancies him. Of course there’s the baby she’s carried for all that time but I’m sure in this world when the baby is three they can look after themselves. I’m sure it’s scientific fact.

Another great conversation, in which I also learned A LOT, was between some drunk middle aged men, who clearly all do something with stocks or socks or bollocks.

‘So Lilly Allen – hot or not?’
‘Nah, not hot...buuuutttt she is a brunette and I do like brunettes...aaaaaaannnnndddd she is pretty crazy and odd and I do like that about her...hmmmm.’ (There’s a long pause, I’m going out of my mind, it’s one of those big questions we all ask ourselves at some point in our lives – Is LILLY ALLEN HOT?! OR NOT?! Tell me. Please!) ‘Yeah I think she’s hot.’

I knew being brunette and crazy would pay off. Someone, basing their decision on that definition alone, could quite possibly fancy me, sweeeeet! Everyday’s a school day.

Sunday - May 1st 2011 - 'Reflection upon Return.'

2011-05-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

Right so I had spent most of my time since arriving back in England till well I suppose April totally lost as to what I should do with my self. Boom Boom. I just don’t know what to dooo with myself...
I was missing Vancouver, not sure where I stood here and you know angsty, angsty, whiney, whiney. Then by about April those feelings were in some ways subsiding and what happens when you finally feel marginally adjusted? Everything changes. So the mothership phoned from Canada telling me I had one day before I had to board a flight to Vancouver to come and fill out some paperwork. Crazy right?
It was all pretty exciting stuff. A few years ago someone called me a Nomad and I really hated that. I HAD to move around a lot at the end of uni, it wasn’t a choice and I guess that left me a little bitter about that term. Now I realise if I say ‘Beatnik’ I don’t mind so much. I quite like moving around a lot. Not belonging anywhere can sometimes be a step closer to belonging everywhere. And right now I belong in both Vancouver and London. Oh and with the kiddy blinks in Hampshire. Oh and in Wiltshire on the weekend with Seth.
But there you go my Easter Adventure came for me quite suddenly. And most of the fun of it being a surprise for me was I got to surprise other people. I went into work and said hello to everyone and the reaction was pretty ego boosting! Then I went and surprised my brother Lars Bars at his work and his speechlessness was also pretty ego boosting but gotta say the tears and screaming I got from my adopted Croatian family was truly heady! Mumma Jas and sister Mia (for those of you who don’t know me so well Jas and Mia are two people I fell madly in love with last year and have since renamed them as part of my family.)

Mumma Jas just screamed - ‘What the Fuck are you doing here?!’

Fun times – that day also had me discovering ‘The Littlest Hobo’ the most hilarious show you will ever see. It’s set in 1970’s Canada and it’s about a dog that saves the day.

Being back in Vancouver was very weirdly normal. It felt so natural and most of the time just made perfect sense. I would go on long bike rides and meet up with various friends for coffee and dinners - heck I even pulled some shifts at my old job!

I guess in that nomadic – I mean Beat – and also no focus way about me, I don’t really know what I want just yet. I suppose I’ll have to settle for being a little bit lost and have to try and enjoy the adventure!

Sometime in April

2011-05-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

Long time no blog. Except I get tired of my own apologies so I won’t bother I’ll just hop right in!
Things I wanted to blog about from having re-edited loads of my old pieces...

 That skin infection what I wrote about. Erm the naturopath stuff helped a bit but didn’t totally clear it up what has subsequently cleared my skin up is cutting out caffeine. That’s been the biggest change. If I have too much dairy or sugar than yeah I still get the breakouts but caffeine was the baddy. And so the most I have is a green tea and if I have a coffee or a black tea my body starts shaking – I’m now a wimp. And that whole needing caffeine thing to get kick started? It’s bolsheeee – you just need a healthy diet and sometimes a hit of lemon juice.
 200 words a day? That did not work whatsoever and along with that I suppose my grip on reality. Can’t seem to stick to any of my goals. NEED MORE FOCUS. I think that’s my problem – I even had my palms read recently and the lady said – you have loads of creativity and not enough focus.

 My first organic cold was a milestone it now seems as I haven’t been ill since which is a huge deal for me because I used to come down with about 9 or 10 colds in a winter. Guess Healthy living really is better.

So those were things I meant to follow up on but you know me – NO FOCUS- so I have to always jot notes down in my trusty moleskin notebook. I have also written that I cried loads when I reread over the California trip. I think I’m supposed to be travelling but my problem is where would I even go, how would I even do it, who would even pay for it?

Monday - 28th March - 'Ms Brightside.'

2011-03-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

Went to London this weekend to celebrate the doc becoming a Doc. He passed his med exams with honours and is now off to Injah for a gap yah of three months. Slash he is really going to help people and I’m really very proud of him.

Doc gave me some very insightful advice on the weekend and things seem a little rosier today, for which I am very grateful.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it enough times but I get panicked I will never have a career, EVER, NEVER, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. So sometimes I freak out about this. Which is redonk because right now I don’t want a career, I want a little bit more freedom to travel again this summer and think a little more about what I WANT to do not what I SHOULD do. So like I should just get oh-ver ait.

I’m enjoying the journo course, I am thinking about going to back to Vancouver, I am thinking about travelling Europe this summer, I am thinking about food and ethical fashion Lu-houds. I am enjoying being me, I have this totally idyllic little set up right now where I can chill with my fam and read and write and cook and I love it – so why do I keep panicking about stuff I don’t want?

Well I suppose firstly there is fear. Fear of the future which is daft. If the present is going well and you’re working at something you love why wouldn’t things work out in your favour? Then secondly there is new game everyone seems to be playing – big fat porkies about my big fat career. See, right now everyone is trying to define themselves and whilst it used to be enough to say what uni you were at and what you studied, now you have to show who you are by the mark you have already made on the career world. And I find that mostly people have already starting becoming their own spin doctors. Answering phones is PR, doing something anonymous in a bank is Investment banker, work experience at a newspaper makes you a journalist. And while all of this is great and it really is the start of what will most likely be awesome careers, I should not let it intimidate me. That, I am fully aware, was my own fault. I let other people’s success intimidate me but why? Am I that selfish and jealous and frankly not-very-me anymore?

Well yes and then no. I was engaged in this ludicrous see-saw stuff with myself. I would be totally happy with where I was in life and fully understanding why I was doing the things I was and then bam! I would be insecure and nervous after somebody else seemed so sure of themselves. But few people are – it’s a game and it’s a game I’ve also played. But I don’t really mind being vulnerable or wrong. I was wrong to be intimidated and then I was wrong to shoot down their success. I want other people to be happy, I want my friends to be successful, I just want to not be an idiot sometimes and forget that and let fear and insecurity take over. But Everything Is OK. And I’m going to paraphrase three pieces of advice from my three bestest friends (boyf excluded but he has helped me loads!) that have helped me not only gain serenity and insight but sustain it.

Rose told me: Being fearful of division everywhere just creates more division; you’ve just got to decide everything is ok and love will spread from you not fear.

Lauren told me: So truly with hardship comes ease, truly with hardship comes ease. So when thou art empty, labour and let God be they Quest.

And Doc told me: Just like you do with your religion let your new knowledge flow under your skin at all times.

Hello, I am Pep. I have exactly two personalities, I think it’s because I’m a Gemini. Right now I want to be a writer; I don’t really see that changing. I want to write about women rights and issues. I love food and am very interested in nutritional therapy but from an amateur standpoint. I want to own houses in different countries. I want to own a coffee shop with a cause. I want to live in Vancouver, San Diego and London all at the same time. I never again want to buy new sweatshop made clothes or products that are harmful to the environment. I want to write a novel about a woman named Jasner. I want to always be happy and never jealous, insecure or fearful. Right now I am not high flying nor am I totally sure of myself – it can be pretty fun.

So there are my big ambitions. I may falter, I may never reach some and they may change by next week and finally I am happy with that. I know whatever happens as long as I have my friends and family close, good food at the ready and can meditate everyday then I will be at least some of the way there. And when I get cross that someone doesn’t agree with me I just think. Everything Is OK. Everything is beautiful and nothing hurt. So it goes...

The pictures are me with rose, rose with lauren and doccy being pranked.

Monday - March 21st 2011 - 'The Brompton Mix'

2011-03-21T03:44:00.000-07:00

From a town affectionately called ‘Malice,’ comes a new Rock and Roll prodigy: ‘The Brompton Mix.’
They played their first gig in ‘The Crown’ in Woking (their home town) before promptly following that up the next week with a gig at 229 Great Portland Street, London, which is testament to the fact their talent is very recognisable and their stage presence begs an encore.
The band consists of Simon Gulliver on bass, Chris Baxter on drums, Azza Sergent on lead guitar and Ben Peppitt on lead vocals and rhythm guitar.
Their song lyrics are playful, almost always cheeky and yet for the most part heartfelt. When asked about how they can produce such funny and satirical songs Ben answers, ‘We just hang out together and banter, we can come up with song after song that way quite naturally. It’s simple and if it doesn’t come easily, it’s probably not for you.’
Their songs are often glimpses of today’s youth culture, ‘These boys all look like girls and these girls all look like boys [Wrong Train Home]’/ ‘I sold my cow but I sold it for beans because we get the milk quite literally for free [Material Man].’ Whilst they can’t help but hark back to previous lovers mostly the songs are about just being ‘lads’, pratting about and making jokes about their friends: Stone Cold Killer in Me is supposedly a ludicrous caricature of one of them. In fact most of the songs are portraits of their lives painted several shades darker for lyrical intrigue.
However, it’s not the lyrics or even the catchy, very new rock and roll type music they are set to – it’s the tightness of the band that also makes them unique. Down the pub before the gig, enjoying a pint of “dutch courage”, Azza, in his typical self-deprecating humour laughs, ‘People only say you sound tight when they didn’t like the music.’ But his joke couldn’t be further from the truth, it is what pushes this small town foursome into the realms of a professional sounding band – they gel so well together. Their individual talents complement each other so completely it’s hard to pick apart the band and discuss who does what well; the point is ‘The Brompton Mix’ is a collective of raw talent, with very little ego-clashing.
Throughout their gigs Ben engages with the audience; he jokes with them and the others in the band in such a way that says, ‘Hey, if you all weren’t here we’d be doing it anyway then we’d be down the pub for a laugh’ – though of course he makes it clear he appreciates the support of the audience.
Ben worked all summer, a few years back, in a meat packing factory to save up enough to buy the guitar he had with him on stage that day. But that kind of investment in their music isn’t rare in this band – they spend their entire weekends rehearsing without fail, and then they support that by going off to their regular 9-5s in the week. All of them work except for Baxter, who is studying at the Brighton Institute of Music.
Baxter is laid back and far less chatty than his other band mates but put a drum kit in front of him and he really lets go. It’s then that you see the punk side to him – Baxter often wears his hair in a Mohawk and says he takes inspiration from bands I can’t even pronounce, but I did recognise Nofx and the Sex Pistols. Though Baxter can be quiet and reflective, there’s a hell raiser side to him on stage. He is passionate about what he believes is the bands goal: ‘To bring back good music to the commercial scene.’ Though he is a fan of Oasis, Blur and the Arctic Monkeys he’s more interested in the punk genre and likes to be able to inject that element into their songs and their stage presence.
Baxter was previously in a band with bass guitarist, Si. When I asked Si what made being in this band different to the others he simply retorted, ‘it’s easy’. Sometimes the simplest answers are the best, it does just come naturally to these boys, they like the music they play, and they like playing music. Si describes the feeling of when they’ve come up with a new song as a buzz, ‘it just falls into place – it’s perfect.’
Their gig at 229 Great Portland Street was a triumph. Their set list included songs they had already released on their free EP so their true, die-hard fans could sing along. But they wove their newer stuff in nicely – really putting emotional emphasis, both vocally and musically on the parts of the new song they wanted us to sing along with. That’s what seems to really please them – the constant audience satisfaction, the constant banter, the constant recognition. An element of ‘The Brompton Mix’s ethos is that this is supposed to be fun and not elitist, it’s rock and roll but as we used to know it.
Though they may sing ‘It’s all over for me,’ it’s safe to say it’s merely the beginning for them.

<< The Brompton Mix have been asked to headline at 229 Great Portland Street on the Friday 8th April.>>

Friday - 18th March 2011 - 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves.'

2011-03-18T01:04:00.001-07:00

Punctuation and grammar rules terrify me. But recently I’ve been doing a bit of editing and I've realised I'm actually not that bad at editing the grammar and punctuation of other people's work. I realised the difference between what I do for my writing and what I will do for other people's writing simply comes down to attention span. Re-reading some of my work I think, 'wow I had some good ideas but why the hell do I keep writing the wrong 'there/their'!?' I know the difference but when I write my mind runs away at a million miles an hour, it dreams, it philosophises, it, it, it gets lost. And my fingers try and catch up but they sometimes end up writing silly things. So today, on this fine and beautiful day while I am relaxing in Wiltshire, I am going to re-read and edit my work that I never previously looked at.
Cringing will ensue.

March 9th 2011 - 'Ash Wednesday.'

2011-03-09T06:22:00.000-08:00

The beginning of lent, which means only one thing...huge promises. Every year I give up different foods, since I was wee it has always been chocolate, then when I was in year 7 I started giving up all sweets, now by the time I’m 22 I give up everything that's bad for me. But do I ever lose weight? No. And before you start saying that’s not the point, all you judgemental people in my head, it is an indicator as to what I have done not-so-smashingly in the past.
Thing is, I over compensate with a different food, and really what's the point in abstinence if you fill the void with something else rather similar? I want to stare at that void, at that aggravation that I can’t have exactly what I want and meet it head on. So this year I am doing something I have never done before – I am taking up things – Yoga and meditation, daily. Yeah, I know surely the lesson was, 'be a little gentler and you won’t rebel so much', but aaaiiihhhh think I could benefit from it.

So today like a reluctant trooper I did my 25 mins of yoga, which I love, but today it did not love me. I have let my ‘Canadian’ body slip, the body that could climb mountains, work 11 hour days, 6 days a week. The body that could cycle uphill for an hour has been shooed away by my English life of pies and lies and French fries. Crikey.
So today I could barely manage a downward dog. Having been absent from Yoga and the strength in my body, attempting to return to it didn’t come with a ‘prodigal son’ welcome but a ‘where the hell have you been?!’
Will let you know how my progress goes – what about ya’ll? Any Lent?

Lazy weekend -

2011-03-06T03:22:00.001-08:00

Will do write up tomorrow of amazing previous week, not only has my Mummy and Step-Dad been here from Canada but I went to go see my little brother's band - The Brompton Mix - play an incredible gig in London. I have als enrolled in a journo course (distance learning) but right now I am chilling out in the countryside while my beautiful boyfriend is making me a sandwich and I'm watching Jamie Oliver on the tele. love love love .

Wednesday - February 16th 2011 - 'Pain of Chocolate.'

2011-02-19T06:59:00.000-08:00

Is there any way of making a healthy pain au choc? I can make healthy banoffee pie, but pain au choc? Anybody?
Blend together brazil nuts, dates and banana and viola! Banoffee pie! I am looking for something equally ‘cheaty’ for other classics, please…? Eh, may look through my cook books.

Tuesday - February 15th 2011 - 'TV and tampons.'

2011-02-19T06:58:00.001-08:00

In a bid to totally alienate any male readers out there – ladies doesn’t your period sometimes totally surprise you? I was feeling crummy for two days, tired, grumpy, blaaaah to the max and all I wanted to do was watch tele. So I beat myself up about this, massively thinking I’m becoming a slug of a woman – then my period comes, not at an irregular time but yet I am totally surprised by it. And then I’m surprised at my surprise! Seriously after all these years how could I possibly forget how crummy it makes me feel beforehand? DUURRR – you feel shit because you're about to come on your period. Note to self: must set alarm for about this time in the next 5 weeks that says, 'Give yourself a break you ate 13 shortcake biscuits consecutively because of your period and not just because you’re a big bloater.' Gross period talk – must write mini blog so that this is not the last thing on here for ages.

February 9th - 12th 2011 - 'Fabulous Weekend'

2011-02-19T06:52:00.000-08:00

Once a month, as it seems to be averaging out and that seems to be a sustainable number of the times for the future, I hit London Town. This weekend the Doctor was down on a intense revision course, Lauren had a concert and Rosey baby had decided to take a day off her crazy work schedule to go with me to Camden. When you start getting massively jealous of your three year old niece for being waaay trendier than you – then you have issues. To add to my frustration, I am trying to be as totally ethical as possible with my shopping choices so that means no cheap tops that will fall apart after a weekend. I’m going fairly-traded or no trade, well no new trade anyhoos – I buy second hand.
So that does make a little spending spree in Camden pricier than usual but I found a shop that makes all their clothes out of hemp and organic cotton and does not use sweat shops – yay for me! Though my usual issue with these places is they just make clothes made for a typical cartoon hippy – of which I am not. I am very untypically a massive hippy, I’m quite simply a tart with a heart and have taken my new zest for ethical and sustainable living seriously. I know, I know, you’re supposed to grow out of this stuff at college but if I can make it work and make it chic, well then I’m dragging you all with me! (Braintree Hemp, btw.)
Then I bought denim shorts and denim skirts all second hand and supposedly vintage but I think it’s more mintage (mock vintage) and retro. Then to top it all of a stripey top from American Apparel, yay! I look good but now I’m broke. Never mind, money is an energy right? I hope I can at least take that from the hippies – not their money just their mindset.
Note – who are these hippies I’m referring to?! They sound like a band of fairies that live under mushrooms and only wear odd clothes, have loads of cash and eat hummus all day. Tisk, weirdos slash I totally understand I’ve made THEM up.
Lauren’s concert was incredible then we all went out for beers and dancing in Barbican area afterwards. Fun times – I get to flirt with loads of gay men unashamedly because they all think I’m a tranny slash great fag-hag.

Thoughts and meditation for this weekend: great friends are solid gold, God is unchanging, religion is changeable, banana frappes are incredible, being venerable can be an incredible strength, a writer in pain is a writer in gain, ( must work on that little pun) and some people have great feminist jobs you wish you could have – must look into feminist career prospects.

Monday - February 7th 2011 - 'Calories that bite'

2011-02-07T11:40:00.000-08:00

Meh – I feel ill – I spent all weekend tidying my brother’s disgusting flat, Seth helped me (he says that it should be testament to how much he loves me for the things he endured in that flat.) It was horrendous. But now I can stop having nightmares about the place and the mould and my brother’s well being, for now anyway.
Dead fish inside mouldy pillows, mould growing on clothes for being damp in a wash pile for a year, mould growing on crockery, food that expired in 2008, it was bad, you weren’t the OK?! You weren’t there!

Now it’s clean. Ahh.

My only qualm is despite the fact that I eat like a super health freak, which I have somewhat become, at the weekend I say, 'OK – let loose a little, manners before menus.' Ya know, that sort of thing, especially as it’s the time I go off and be a little sociable, not very, simply a little. But wowza my eyes have greyed, no longer the pearly white eyes of last week and I know it could be a physical manifestation of the horrors of the flat but really it’s because I have eaten shit loads of shit. Bad food makes me swear. Today I felt just gross, like I had a cold, my head was in a fug. A fug I tell you – can’t wait to get back to my brighteyed, bushytailed self. I hit the lemon juice HARD amongst all my other herbal, nutty, seedy, hempy type foods. I’m hoping a salty bath and the last few chapters of Bridget Jones are enough to at least mean I don’t wake up tomorrow with the junk hangover I did today.
This week I am concentrating on taking care of my liver, really getting it good and cleansed.
Oh and in response to a request that little Ellie gets more time on my blog – here are some pictures of her as a power ranger. Her and Teddy have told me that the bad giants in the BFG would be no match for them two as power rangers as long as they had their light-sabers. I like it as a relative statement – sure he’s hard but how would he fare up against the baddies in the BFG? Eh?

Thursday - 3rd February 2011 - 'Turn to the left, Fashion!'

2011-02-04T01:07:00.000-08:00

I have a little ritual whereby I tear up old magazines – the kids think it’s the oddest thing they have ever seen but I like to keep the bits that affected me or inspired me, or I’m suspicious of and keep them in a folder, then I recycle the rest. So I was tearing up some old ‘Instyle’ magazines and found an old ‘Elle’ from 2006 oder so that my dad found in his stepdaughters room and thought I’d like. I did. I tore it up beautifully. But going through these magazines you realize:
a) It is quite clearly ludicrous to get as bent out of shape as we do about the latest It-bag/shoes/jacket, b) There are some things that are always in fashion and some things that will so desperately never work they are in the ‘must try’ section for years on end never quite breaking their way into mainstream fashion and
c) Magazines are merely silly stuff and should never be taken too seriously and because I don’t, I love them. Those that take them too seriously to the point they love them, only really loathe them and those that take them too seriously to the point they hate them are wasting their energy.
In my opinion women’s mags just need a little push in the feminist direction, and then they could be beautiful. To my they are like that clothing ‘FUBU’ which I could have totally missed the point on but the ‘for us by us’ ticket really rings true for women’s magazines. For women by women (and by gay men but it seems that it is rarely for them.) So yes in my ritual, which I quite very much like, my youngest best friend in the whole-wide-world, (I have lots of best friends this is simply my youngest) Ellie - she is three and likes ‘Olibbe fingers, the colour pink, being noisy and super cute and hanging out with me – sat next to me during ‘ritual time’ and said in a bored tone, ‘Clothes, clothes, people, people,’ as I flicked through the pages. All too true Ellie and that’s why I love it, it’s all nonsense and at the same time quite fun. I suppose like this blog.
Mmmm meditations for last week were to try to let go of the word ‘should’ – I think I will keep that as a ‘meditation 2’ for this week and ‘meditation 1’ for this week is…. Let go of career stress. I realize I never posted it but my resolution for 2011 is learn to let go. L2LG.

P.S

2011-02-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

Those pictures are what Ellie calls 'Olibbe Fingers.'

Wednesday - 2nd February 2011 - 'Where are the mid-week blues?'

2011-02-02T10:05:00.000-08:00

I really am living the dream: I get paid to look after some of my all time favourite people in the world. I know I can’t keep this job forever but it’s pretty aces and whilst I do get panicked I should be doing my 9-5 and climbing that career ladder, heck I’m 22 with the freedom and time to write, work out and cook. Living. The. Dream.
I want these photos to accompany my all time favourite quote.
Life has been your art.
You have set yourself to music.
Your days are your sonnets.
Oscar Wilde

Some pictures from the snowy days at work -

2011-02-01T11:43:00.000-08:00

Canada to England - December 2010 to January 2011.

2011-01-31T09:33:00.001-08:00

Wow it was snowing in Richmond for a very long time…
My last month in Canada was incredible and I have spent a long time trying to ignore the fact that it’s over, but because of that I have spent a month in England hiding from the world. Me re-booting this blog is an attempt to immerse myself back into everything I haven’t been able to face. The past two months have been a blur but what stands out in my mind: Yoga, cycling, food, new friends becoming family, the mountains, the sea, a fresh new outlook, a tearful goodbye, an airplane ride where I made another new friend (!) – feeling like I didn’t recognize London, being super excited to see my soul mates again, not letting go of the kids for a very long time, not being able to find where all the clothes I put away before I left are, cold weather, a diff government, an inability to reconnect straight away, loving every moment spent in my home with the kids and my brother and sister, finding myself asking where do I go from here...?

So for now – I’m going to try 200 words a day, most days – to try and kick start this blog and get started again on other blogs. Keep watching these spaces.

A few pictures from my last day and my first few moments back in London.

Saturday - 20th November 2010 - 'Snowing in Richmond.'

2010-11-20T21:38:00.000-08:00

The hunter wellies Seth bought me came in handy today as I trudged through snow to get to work. See, whilst snow is pretty and I like the feeling of anarchy it instills in people, to me it just means summer is well and truly over. Summer to me – this year at least - means the beach in downtown Vancouver, so as long as I was in Richmond I could believe that summer was still going on downtown. The snow, however, kind of rained on that parade. Still winter has its perks, for one thing the wardrobe is better, for another – I’m not really sure. My mum prefers the winter but my mum is weird.

Friday - November 19th 2010 - 'If you can't be with the one you love...'

2010-11-20T21:35:00.000-08:00

'Love the routine you're in.'

Seth left on Thursday and girl let me tell you – it was emotional. Everything the week leading up to it was ‘the last time…’s. ‘The last time we see this, in this exact place, eating this exact meal,’ and full of ‘remember the first time we saw this, in this exact place, eating this exact meal in Canada?...’ It was, quite frankly, exhausting. We would cry then promise we wouldn’t cry, then talk about how short a time 6 weeks is, then try and get him packed up, then reflect on our time here. I think that when it came to the very last time to say goodbye, we were pretty much done with our goodbyes. It was simply time for being alone. In full anticipation of being broken when Seth left I refused to take him to the airport and instead arranged to go for an early morning breakfast with Mum before I went and did a normal day at work.
So yes, I miss him very much, but really, it’s on with the show. And as I said before, if you can’t be with the one you love – love the routine you’re in. Because my goodness I can get a lot done without a hunky carpenter to distract me. Cook dinner, do an hour long DVD workout, read, write this blog! This could be the start of something wonderful – Mum thinks the momentum wears of quickly but we’ll see.
And for me right now? I scheduled a movie with my brother, we’re watching ‘Grown Ups’… and an hour later I’m back - the film was awful but quality time with Laurence is never a waste.

'Comment Love.'

2010-11-10T15:28:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the comments left on this blog are far more inspiring than the writing - so I thought I would include this from the last blog. A comment left by my good friend Wardy.

Good to have you back. On being a writer: was Van Gogh a painter & an artist or does the fact he sold nothing define him? Was Villon a poet? Did 'To Kill A Mocking Bird' (her only work)make Harper Lee a writer? What really defines a writer as a writer is the impulse to write, how strong it is & whether you act on it. For what it's worth my own definition is: can you live without doing it? Whether you can make a living from it is another question, often confused.

And the answer. No - I love writing!

'Energy'

2010-11-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

Talking with ArleneyBeany today we discussed naturopathic doctors. She only goes to see Naturopaths and was telling me that my acne (which has recently becoming unrelenting) could perhaps be a certain type of infection. But a consultation would cost about 60 dollars and then he would give me a prescription for the natural remedies I could buy. Now whilst this sounds great, I recently had to pay off a two year old fine to National Rail (yeah,) and its left me broke as a joke. So doctors apts were out. Boo.
But I’m interested in this type of infection and I ask around about it yet no one seems to know much and I can’t yield anything from the online world that is particularly helpful and that which I do find makes me nervous!
But I’m at work and this regular customer walks up to me and says – ‘Would you like some advice on your skin?’
‘Erm, yeah.’
‘You have an infection, a BLANK infection and you should take X, Y and Z.’
‘Wow, how did you know?’
‘I’m a naturopath – I can see what it is.’
Then we had a further consultation where he talked me through issues, causes and treatments, he even wrote me down a pseudo- prescription. All of the stuff he has asked me to take are natural supplements, I know what the ingredients are and what they do, they are 100% natural and if it turns out that after a month I’m cured I will tell you what it was and how I cured it. But until then I would like to limit the skeptics! Still, it is really weird that it was the exact thing I had been asking over and over in my mind. Goes to show you put the energy out there you get results! *Think Positive Thoughts.*

'The Power Of Food'

2010-11-09T09:13:00.000-08:00

Food and the power of it has long since fascinated me but recently it’s become the main thing I’m interested in. What ‘superfoods’ did I eat today? Did I get enough anti-oxidants? What tea shall I have next? It’s become all encompassing. I thought as a little easy reading I would simply list some ‘Superfoods’.
Acai, Blueberry, Pomegranate, Manuka Honey, Rooibos tea, Almonds, Walnuts, Black Beans (though I’m still investigating how I feel about beans), Quinoa, Brewers Yeast, Tomatoes, Bee Pollen, Olive Oil, Flax seeds, Apple Cider Vinegar, Sardines, Herring, Salmon, Tuna, Goji berries, Mangosteen juice, Green Tea, Black Thai Rice, Turmeric and Cinnamon.
Yum!

'Falling in Love with Italy...Again.'

2010-11-09T09:10:00.000-08:00

Tonight a wonderful woman I have met since being here, Yaz, was hosting a lecture on Italian singer/songwriters of the 1970s. Having no previous knowledge on the subject and going purely to support darling Yaz, I close up the shop as soon as possible, get the sky train downtown and end up having to run to her class,getting lost, of course, on the way.
The two and half hour lecture flew by, I was enthralled by the subject- Yaz was essentially describing the Beat Generation of Italian Music. She began by telling us what Italy was like in the 50’s; the economic and political climate and how that shaped the music. Really the songs of this time were about sounding beautiful and romantic – with less emphasis on lyrics or story. Then in the late 60’s early 70’s – with the world as it was – there was a new wave of singer/songwriters, now the person who wrote the song would compose it and sing it. Yaz mainly discusses Fabrizio De Andre and his political yet beautiful songs. I wrote down a few quotations or sayings that moved me and want to share them with you here. Fabrizio describes of his protest songs: ‘perhaps I shocked them – but it brought no results.’ Which to me is powerful. It reminds me of a poem I was made to read in class at school about a reporter who would shock you with her stories of war and crime around the world and you would read it and cry, then you would put down the paper and not be moved to do anything afterwards. Which perhaps strikes me most of all because I can be very guilty of this.
Fabrizio De Andre and his partner decide to ‘flee from [their] characters, the masks [they] wear,’ they move to the country side – almost in a self imposed exile from fame. Whilst there, they are kidnapped and held for ransom. Afterwards Fabrizio describes how scarring the event was but he says of it,‘I can justify it if not intellectually, if not morally than emotionally.’ This to me is reminiscent of Yoko’s statement after John Lennon’s death. Yoko says something along the lines of, 'John believed in peace and helping other people and forgiveness and it is like a divine being is saying – prove it. Prove it with your life.' (I really hope I interpreted that right. There has always been a 'RollingStone Magazine' book of interviews in the bathroom throughout my life.) To many people these types of artists (the ones who discuss change) are like heros – but they also seem exempt from the pain they are singing/painting/writing about - that’s why awful, awful circumstances like these allow them to essentially practice what they preach, to show in a more visceral, less hypothetical way the forgiveness we should show to one another. Because well poverty is a bitch. As in the circumstance of Fabrizio these other people in the countryside town he moved in to, can’t eat, they have no money and suddenly the ludicrously wealthy are pulling up in their small town with flash cars and champagne.
During the entire lecture I’m thinking, 'Wow, he is like an Italian Bob Dylan, he even perpetually smokes through all the clips we are shown of him.' Yet Yaz doesn’t mention it. The only thing she shows us is Fabrizio’s response to being asked if he considered himself a poet, he says, ‘Until the age of 18 everybody writes poetry – after the age of 18 there are two types of people who write poetry, Poets and Idiots, so I prefer Singer/Songwriter.’
Which alludes heavily to Dylan’s contention, ‘I’m a poet first and a musician second, I’ll live like a poet and I’ll die like a poet.’
Yaz prefers Fabrizio to Dylan so she didn’t include in her lecture explicitly that Fabrizio was often described as the ‘Italian Dylan.’
Of Yaz’s lecture style I do want to say that perhaps it was her soft voice and the rhythm in which she spoke but her thoroughness and love of the subject made me feel like my transition from ignorance to knowledge was seamless – there was no struggle to grasp facts or catch up with what she was saying - the snippets of music and interviews allowed us to meditate on what she had said and become more and more engrossed in the lives we were exploring. But most of all and I'm sure it is exclusive to me, I feel so many times that when I chance upon small, yet incredible pockets of history or music or landscapes I never knew existed I can feel overwhelmed. It is as though I’ve missed out on something for so long and I can’t fully be a part of it - like how hugely intimidating the beauty of Vienna was on me or how incredible the national gallery in London is, but this? This lecture, this experience, the discussions, I was fully immersed. I felt like I was a part of it – like I could continue to grow with it even though it was long before I was even born. I think perhaps that the experience of the lecture and its infatuating nature allowed me to feel like I’d been invited to something. My presence was welcome and I in some way could help move the movement. Perhaps that in itself was the allure of the ‘beat generation’ – it wasn’t exclusive – it was for everyone.
Yaz laughingly describes herself as a ‘salesperson of Fabrizio’; that she needs to share him with the world. Can I end with a ‘well I’m sold’, or is that simply too cringey?

'Smelly Kitten.'

2010-11-09T09:08:00.000-08:00

I attended an aromatherapy class that was at my work after my nine hour shift had finished. I will link Cheryl’s website here:

scentimentalcreations.com

She really is a genius. And she sells some wonderful products, after the class she even made me up a unique ‘scarring blend’ because I had now sworn off bio oil. I had always been suspicious that they don’t list the ingredients on the bottle but now I had a new zealous for knowing every ingredient!
The class informed us of the different blends and properties of different essential oils. Suddenly, these things were so medicinal – I couldn’t believe I’d never thought about them before. Peppermint for headaches, tea tree for skin and cleaning the bathroom, lavender for just about everything. And most importantly we discussed the use of essential oils for making a deodorant. We discussed how awful anti-per spirants were and so now it’s that funny crystal thing and my homemade deodorant all the way. Except for my first week at work when I hadn’t quite worked out deodorant ratio’s with my early morning bike ride, I was coming into work quite smelly. I think I’ve worked it out now: crystal, essential oils, then wipe and re-apply when I get in. My colleague will no longer tell me she can’t stand next to me. (Frank and brutal Euro-Asians – which I love!)

Tuesday - 8th Novemmber 2010 - 'Mad as a Hatter.'

2010-11-09T08:44:00.000-08:00

After long talks with my therapist – I’m back with a vengeance. My therapist is a wonderful woman and very close friend, Rose. It’s a less than professional relationship but it works and for how much she helps me battle the little demons in my head or as dearest Lauren refers to them her ‘nafs’ (which I like and shall be stealing!) She is relatively cheap and only really costs a glass of wine and the occasional Vivienne Westwood themed present.
So, the long and short of our early morning (for me in Canada) slash mid afternoon (for her in England) session was that her and Lauren had decided I was being way to hard on myself and we discussed in what ways I had been doing this.
Well for a start I have been doing nearly 6 day weeks every week and as much over time as possible on top of those 6 days. Because I have it in my head that paying off every penny I owe anyone, including the bank, is the most imperative thing, ever.
Secondly I have been adamant that I have to do some form of intense exercise every day so as to not put on the small amount of weight I lost.
Thirdly I haven’t been writing. And have frankly been dreading writing this – dreading and yet really it’s the only thing I’ve wanted to do.
Whilst these three things seem like very normal things for most people to worry about: money, body image and career building, it really isn’t me. But it turns out I have managed to convince myself that being a manager at a store is all I will ever manage in the way of a career. Whilst being a manager is in no way beneath me, it isn’t my dream. This is why I’m obsessed with money I owe because I’m scared I’ll never earn any real money and I’m obsessed with body image because I feel I can control my body and I’ve not been writing because saying you love to write is obvious – isn’t it? Everybody wants to be a writer – it’s like saying you want to be an astronaut – it seems simply impossible to ever make a career of it. Though I’m sure for enough money you can simulate going into space – and I’m sure for enough money I could pay someone to publish me. Ooops – I did it again – call it relapse. It was only really to draw a parallel with faking astro-living and vanity publishing.
But a writer writes for themselves – and being healthy and happy is way better than shedding the odd pound, (also my manly arm muscles are starting to freak Seth out) and I can pay back that interest free overdraft when I get my dream job. So really, all in all I needed to chill the fuck out. Yesterday I ate some German Christmas gingerbread and thought long and hard about all the things I needed to tell you.

DO NOT ABANDON HOPE....

2010-11-08T07:34:00.000-08:00

ALL YE WHO LOG ON HERE....

I'm coming back I promise. Very soon.

Saturday - 16th October 2010 - 'It's the final countdown - do do luuu doo dud dud dud dud duuuu.'

2010-10-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

My flight home is booked for 30th December. I am very excited but also nervous too. The countdown has begun and I need to think of things that need to be done before I leave. Previously the goal in my mind was to get published again but that seems ludicrous with how much work I am doing so that I can pay off my overdraft before I get home. Maybe ‘find imaginary time to be creative’ is a goal.
In anticipation (try and say it like the sweet transvestite in Rocky Horror Picture Show, please) my English Rose has got in the booze….

Friday - 8th October 2010 - 'Addiction.'

2010-10-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

It’s been a long time, I know I shouldn’t have left you, now let me break the ice…
(I think those are the Britney lyrics)
I am however about to tell you of my addiction. It has distracted me, kept me suspended from my life, consumed me, left me always wanting more, affected my health and my ability to socialize. I have been addicted to…The Office – U.S Edition.
It was on the tele and I just ended up watching it by chance, but it was pretty funny – so I got a box set, but half a series wasn’t enough to tide me over – I ended up watching it online – 10 episodes at a time. Night times were the worst, I would stay up till the wee hours of the morning watching it in secret. Because the real allure was, after my first marathon of watching it, I had my first night’s sleep in a long time where I didn’t dream about work.
I’m ashamed of myself but I just can’t quit, not yet anyway. There’s two more series until it’s quitting time, then I’ll face the harsh pain of reality.
I have to say, whilst I know it’s wrong there is some gold in it. The show takes the mundane and makes it fun and desirable, which I truly believe is a pretty good life lesson.

In admitting my weakness I have found I am not the only one who has suffered, we all have a tendency to get lost in television. I just hope I manage to snap out of it soon.

Tuesday - September 28th 2010 - 'Dream on…'

2010-09-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

My dreams have become frightfully dull.
‘Spices? Isle 1.’
‘A tea for indigestion, of course.’
‘There is your card and your receipt.’
‘Please don’t accuse me of being Australian, I’m English.’
Genuine snippets of my day – that are now genuine snippets of my dreams. BAAARRRING.
I would like to apologize for my absence (and the spelling of apologize) I am in the last stages of recovering from my first organic cold ever. By which I mean – I took no drugs – I settled it with ginger, garlic, ginseng, Echinacea, eucalyptus, and you know spiritual remedies or somfink. The recovery time and duration of the cold seemed no worse than a usual drugged up one, perhaps my recovery time is slightly shorter, not sure, but I’m glad I did it.
In the midst of my cold I still managed a 35km bike ride downtown with Abi – I say downtown but it was mostly uphill. And I’m glad I did, I forget how much I love Vancouver – it is such a cool city, it’s just Richmond is the drag. It is sooo baring, but that’s the suburbs, baby.
I feel like the customers at work have become less outrageous – which makes them less fun to write about – so I can think of a list of the ‘come-ons’ I’ve had in the shop.
‘If you’re from England why are you so dark?’ (Quite aggressively, I would say.)
‘Genetic mutation.’
‘But your eyes are still blue.’
‘In spite of the mutation, yes.’
‘They’re very nice.’
Next one

‘Are those your real eyes?’ (Quite aggressively I might add)
‘Yes, why wouldn’t they be?’
‘Because some people have fakes.’
‘Nope.’
‘It’s very nice.’
Last one:
‘Got a nice tan there, you been on holiday.’
‘Yes, California, it was incredible.’
‘Your eyes stayed blue though?’
‘Yes. ‘
Now this is in no way a yes my eyes are blue thing, vain, vain, vain. I mainly think my eyes are green but I think if you’re going to take the time to compliment anyone, try not to insult them, or be aggressive. And don’t make out that the person is a freak but you like it anyway.

I want to also point out – I think I got ill because as per usual I am very homesick – but now Vancouver (yes I know I actually live in Richmond) is beginning to get gloomy and the weather is more like England and actually I don’t like the winter all that much – I like the summer, and winter is for drinking and dinner parties and well that’s more something you do with your girlfriends and boyfriends with the Sainsbury’s basics cheese platter and a bottle of red wine (second or third up from the cheapest) and you have an issue of ‘take a break,’ and you make up new jokes – and you decide to perhaps do secret santa – but everyone is worried they will get me. Because I break things, and I could quite possibly give you something you always wanted, but broken. (This is a note from future editing Pep: This sentence is sooo confusing but I love it and won't change it!)
And so you see why I got ill, because I was homesick and because winter is hard and because red wine is for winter and it’s cheaper in England. It’s all that simple really. But I’m gonna try and be a little bit more in it to win it while I am still here in Vancouver (give me a bloody break I know it’s Richmond,) because well I loves my Mummy and really it’s all a good crack and I’m very lucky.
Things to do before I leave: Start running (insert sports bra joke)
Be published one more time
Attend a yoga class
Own a pair of hunter willies
Get more done on my other blog…
Erm any more suggestions?...
Get brown eyes and stop freaking out the customers
Read a BLOODY BOOK (not one covered in blood just one that is not InStyle magazine.)
Get arms like tree trunks!
….

Oh yeah - and savour the time with my Mum.

Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion - Mary's View

2010-09-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

http://westwardsexpansion.blogspot.com/

Saturday - September 18th 2010 - 'Seth's Birthday.'

2010-09-19T12:11:00.000-07:00

Champagne and Caviar for breakfast. Presents. Eggs Benedict. Ice Cream Birthday Cake. Restaurant – Escargot, Blue Cheese Steak, Red Wine, Lobster.
Broke.
Loved it.

And though I wished it a million times yesterday – Happy Birthday Seth!

Friday - 10th September 2010 - 'Cold FX - works!'

2010-09-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

This crazy work week ended with a cold – the only highlight of this being Seth’s dramatic reading of tea packets. Raspberry ZINGER, black cherry bomber, Coun’ry Peach Passion… so forth. I liked being waited on. But I did not like that my only spare time with Seth that I got I was ill and grumpy for.

Friday - 3rd September 2010 - Home is where the liquor cabinet is...

2010-09-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

Back home to late and drunken nights singing with Sleepy and her partner Eiley who were staying with us for a bit. Both wonderful ladies – both have an incredible capacity for alcohol that I tried to match but failed.
Suffice to say I had to end Mary’s trip with a long walk up the mountain to somewhat make up for all the food and all the drink!

Thursday - 2nd September 2010 - 'Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion: Goodbye.'

2010-09-19T11:36:00.001-07:00

Tears at the airport – promises to come back – a frantic check in - and a sorry, yet happy and more at peace, pep boarded a flight to Portland, Oregan. Stopped at airport for 5 hours – very nice – sent Lauren a birthday present – Silver, Lilly Earrings – Lilies are rooted in the dirt, grow through troubled waters and blossom on the surface, unscathed and beautiful. Eggs for breakfast and COFFEE – and a newly bought Kurt Vonnegut book. It seemed fitting as he looks exactly like Wardy – and it was Wardy who introduced me to Rajam and San Diego.
In the preface to the book Kurt’s son, Mark gives a reflection on Kurt and his writing – it is very moving and highly insightful. He describes one conversation he had with his father.
‘The unhappiest times in his life were those months and sometimes a whole year when he couldn’t write, when he was ‘blocked’. He’d try just about anything to get unblocked, but he was very nervous and suspicious about psychiatry. In my early-to-mid twenties he let it slip that he was afraid that therapy might make him normal and well adjusted, and that would be the end of his writing. I tried to reassure him that psychiatrists aren’t nearly that good.’

Portland flight to Seattle.
When Bruce Springsteen sung ‘Mary’s Place’, maybe he was talking about Seattle, because she seemed to fit right in. Seattle is kind of geek chic, intellectual, rocker eats food and drinks coffee.
We walked round Pike Place market, ate really nice kebabs in a little Turkish place just off the main strip, enjoyed the buskers, and headed back to a wonderful doughnut and coffee shop I went to last time. ‘Hand forged’ sugary doughnut and a black coffee, was the wine I toasted a sorrowful goodbye to the U.S.
‘I’ll be back.’

Poetry to my ears – My goodbye card from Mary
Dear Pep,
Here’s to:
Peace & Love, surfer dudes, fake boobs, short shorts, ‘California Girls’, donuts, coffee, public ‘restrooms’, Southern hospitality, taco bell, protein bars, getting ‘papped’, the painted ladies, old town, little Italy, ‘on the road’, airport grading, the walk of fame, San Diego zoo, Heidi Montag, more coffee, earrings, daisy dukes/bikinis/popsicles, Eva Longoria, west coast hair, crocs, postcards, Italian-American accents, the city lights, freedom of speech, the greyhound, bulletproof vests, mission beach, getting tanned, day of the dead, the playboy mansion, casa loma, whirlpool jacuzi, forgetting the plot of ‘the stand’, elephants and giraffes and hippos, Alamo café, B & B baskets, Haight and Ashbury, the Golden Gate Bridge, Bunnies, walking everywhere, Barley Tea, ‘Some like it hot’, haunted houses, Seattle food market, denim shirts…
… AND THE WESTWARD EXPANSION

All my love
Mary xxx

Wednesday - September 1st 2010 - 'Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion: Ghosts, Fish Tacos and Kissing.'

2010-09-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

Today we went to San Diego zoo because everyone had told us we had to go to San Diego zoo. Adjusting to animals is something I’m just gonna have to do if Seth and I ever end up together, dogs are on the cards. No two ways about it. So now I try and look at animals and see personalities in their faces – the way other people do. But I’m afraid I can’t, really. I loved seeing them, they were incredible creatures, but I don’t know what they’re thinking and possibly due to a lack of imagination, I just can’t figure the little buggers out.
We took a sky ride through the zoo, so we could see all the animal enclosures, that was neat and the woman let us on for free – bonus. Free is a good word when you’re ‘on the go’. (See how I avoided saying travelling.)
The last thing we went to see and I knew it would be my favorite – the giraffes. I love giraffes. I finally found my animal. I first saw a giraffe in my last year of uni – when I went to a zoo for the first time. The giraffes were so ‘chill’, as Rajam would say. They were the first animals that looked like they absolutely wouldn’t attack you, they just want to eat leaves. And perhaps they looked like what I always like in people. Very pretty eyelashes, great dress sense, nice long legs, vegan and look like they would just hang out and listen to some Dean Martin with you.
After the zoo we headed to Old Town – Fiesta De Reyes – for some Mexican food. A peruse round the old market-like shops and a trip to the ‘most haunted house in the United States.’

Outside the house was a couple sat on the grass, kissing. Fuck, I missed Seth – the kissing girl thought I was going to her stall so she asked if I wanted to buy anything from it to which I replied that I didn’t but I thought her and her boyfriend looked so in love and so adorable together. I didn’t tell her it had basically made me cry because I was being creepy and I missed my boyfriend.
The night ended with a trip to Balboa Park and a few beers with Rajam back at hers – where apparently I was nearly bitten by a black widow spider.
We talked endlessly about her travelling – my dreams, her dreams, my travelling in the future. I did not want to go to bed – because I knew tomorrow morning I would be leaving Rajam and San Diego and that, dear reader, broke my slightly less tiny heart, (my tiniest heart broke at the train station in England when I said goodbye to my sister, if you so remember.)
I would also like to include the festival ‘The Day of The Dead.’ Which appeared to be everywhere in Old Town – where Mexicans celebrate their dead. What an important ritual – what a treasure – definitely something I will embrace more.

Yesterday I said - see booty shorts above - when there were none-

2010-09-13T07:33:00.001-07:00

And I would like it duly noted - those are swimming knickers.

Tuesday - 31st August 2010 - 'Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion: San Diego.'

2010-09-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today Mary got a lie in. A mistake I would not make again, she slept for FOREVER!
At this point – I think it is obvious but I am trying to write as Kerouac says – and not edit. Well, except for really silly spelling mistakes.
Today I looked at the clouds and thought of Austen – coz they are fluffy like his brain. Tss Tss Tss. Kidding – I missed home a lot. I would like to say that – because I really did – if everyone could have been in San Diego with me – we would have had cocktails and beach fun. It would have been AMARZ-ING.
Rajam took us to the beach to play in the waves. Our Southern Belle stayed out of the waves because it was too cold for her – she had adjusted quite nicely to the heat and couldn’t possibly go in water so cold, to which Mary and I respond, ‘Meh, we’re English.’ Now half of California (that’s right we spoke to HALF of California) think that England is the Arctic because no matter what the weather Mary would be in a tiny denim skirt and I would be rocking booty shorts!
The waves were so strong, we stood with our backs to them and let them crash over us, or maybe jump them or let them carry us away. It was so childlike it was brilliant. We we’re screaming to high heaven and I couldn’t help but find us hilarious! Every time the waves crashed we would squeal like happy piglets. *Aw, Coot!*
After a few hours of beach squealing we walked down the promenade to hunt out lunch – low and behold it was hiding in the ‘Jungle Rum Café’ and it was a mighty sandwich.
Then a surfer duuuuddde walks by. I love meeting stereotypes – to me its brilliance.
‘Heeeeeeyyyyy, you coming down to surrrrfff.’
‘Oh, yeah I surf all the time. I am excellent at the surfing.’
‘Excellent at the surfing?’ (He tries to do my accent.)
‘Yeah, hey that wasn’t a bad English accent.’
‘Oh,’ Rajam interjects, ‘I keep trying to imitate her accent but I just can’t.’
‘Look don’t worry about it.’ Surfer Dude gets serious now. ‘You just gonna keep at it. You gotta keep trying. It’s like me with my Spanish, you knooooowww. Sometimes it’s like I’m not any gooood, but then I just keep trying – that’s what you gotta doo. So I’ll see you ladies at the surf, yeah?!’
‘Yep.’
Nope.
But it was an intense minute talking to this guy! He was so philosophical but clearly frazzled by too much sun and sea. His face was pink but when he blinked his eyelids were white, he had messy blonde hair and was in a...I just wanted to call it a onesie – but it was in actual fact, a wetsuit. This is kinda what all the guys were like on the beach – really nice chaps but totally frazzled by the sun. What a different way of life it was though, everybody was bikini perfect and ready for the beach – people seemed happy and the west coast vibe was drifting nicely through mary and me.
I was happy.
I was even happier after the purchase of the California booty shorts you can see above. Chuckle, Chuckle. We took the scenic route home – so we could pose on high mountains in them. It was probably also coz the view was amazing – but my California-stamped butt was pretty fun too.
That evening after Matt cooked us another wonderful meal Rajam took us for dessert at the Hotel Del Cornado. This particular hotel is where part of ‘Some Like it Hot’ was filmed and celebrities from Frank Sinatra to John Wayne had stayed. It had so much history for an American building and it was simply beautiful. My chocolate truffle cake was pretty incredible too.
By this evening I had known Rajam for years and I was madly in love with San Diego. I couldn’t have dreamed it better. On the way home we could see the Mexican border – it really is amazing how Mexico looks nothing like England.

Monday - 30th August 2010 - 'Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion: San Diego.'

2010-09-11T10:26:00.000-07:00

Mary and I caught the greyhound out of L.A to San Diego and the moment the scenery changed – the moment it began to be San Diego – I cried. San Diego was so beautiful. I can still cry now thinking about it.
Because here – this is a little complicated, but my Wardy. I don’t know how to call him differently, my Wardy – who I see as a father figure, somewhat or just an older, wiser, friend – told me about a woman he knew named Rajam. Rajam had travelled through the U.S, Canada and Mexico. She was a lovely woman who now owned a soap making business. So to me Rajam is an older Indian woman – you can imagine how surprised I was to see the real life Rajam and not my imaginary one. She was not even a decade older than myself – beautiful and a Southern Belle with an accent I could hardly believe.
‘Oh yeeaah, My Mum named me after an Indian woman who was passing through Alabama when I was born.’
Ahah. That would explain it.
But she took three days off work to show us ladies around San Diego – does she sound like the nicest person you have ever met? Because she is and she only gets better.
She lives with her husband Matt, a history professor, also a wonderful person and they live in this house that you feel comfortable in the moment you step in.
Some people I feel right just being near them the moment we meet and Rajam was one of them. Thinking back on it there has only been a few of those – Seth was one of them, we were cosy from the get go and well Sasha from Uni and perhaps a few other people. But some people make me feel so at peace being around them – I want to be around them all the time. Rajam was like that.
She was openly spiritual and inviting – and she had set up a room each for Mary and I – what a luxury! I had cosied up to Mary in the same bed the whole rest of the time. Rajam made up a little hamper type thing on our bed with soaps and towels and miniature toiletries.
And any time you said – ‘Oh you couldn’t possibly, that would just be too much, honestly.’ She would say,
‘Nonsense, that’s just Southern Hospitality.’
I was so in love with San Diego – but I was so in love with Rajam’s good nature and her southern hospitality, not to mention her beautiful house. That night we drank beers – and I was able to bask and enjoy that serenity I had gained in San Fran. The inner journey was back on – and I couldn’t wait to see what tomorrow would have in store.

Sunday - 29th August 2010 - 'Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion: Mmmm....'

2010-09-11T10:15:00.000-07:00

L.A
I feel it unfair to publicly show how I really feel about this place. I will say that I feel when Mary articulated – it is a place exploitative of itself, she was bang on.
Our hosts were lovely and accommodating and I still enjoyed myself and am glad I went there, but L.A – you’re just not my kind of lady.
Fake Boobs, smog, drugs, gangs, bullet proof vests and that was just the public transport. My only advice to anyone who insists on still going like Mary and I did – do not take public transport – only go if there will be a car at all times.
There is a huge discrepancy between wealthy and poor – and they keep the wealthy only in certain areas – behind closed gates – but for a small fee you can pay a junkie in a bus to show you were they are kept – oh and where some of them had mental breakdowns and crashed their car.
Get this blog out of L.A…..

Saturday -28th August 2010 - 'Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion: Positively Haight Street'

2010-09-11T10:06:00.000-07:00

This morning we went to Haight and Ashbury. Hippy Haven. Home of Cool. Place of Peace and Love. It was a time warp – it was still the 70’s and people were still talking about peace. So Mary and I had a coffee.
You can imagine – after yesterday I was on cloud nine. I made Mary put plaits in my hair, I totally rocked the no make-up beach bum, hippy vibe – I was glowing with how at peace I was, even on the plane to L.A I was serene – it had been a great last day in San Fran – I knew I was gonna miss it as soon as I left – but San Fran and I weren’t finished. Please, in your minds imagine ‘I want you’ by Bob Dylan playing (this is one of my happy songs) as I arrive in L.A then I want you to please imagine that scratch a record makes and the music stops as I realize for the first time L.A is not San Francisco…

Friday - 27th August 2010 - 'Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion: San Fran and the Excorcism.'

2010-09-10T22:11:00.000-07:00

Our Mary likes to sleep, but bless her she never got to recover from her jet lag because I wasn’t going to let her.
So early in the morning I set off for the café over the road, Alamo Square Café – to those who get the references we were right over the road from the painted ladies – very cool. I sat in the café and tried in any way I possibly could to write down how the place had made me feel, but I couldn’t – it was somewhere between peace and excitement. Or it was both – still I wasn’t quite sure, all I could work out by the end of my bagel and various chats with ‘San Franners’ it was time to wake Mary up.
I did this every morning on our entire time together except I think perhaps two mornings I left her to her own devices and I don’t think she saw the a.m.
‘Oh Mary,’ I coo.
There is no blog equivalent for the brilliant impression I have mastered of Mary’s wake up sketch. Most people when you wake them up do a little face-scrunch, or drowsy moan. Mary goes to sit bolt upright and says ‘I’m awake!’ She doesn’t look very awake but she has her eyes wide open and she wants to at least look ready for action. It just looks like I’ve caught her in the act – of sleeping. She wakes up with a ‘I wasn’t sleeping on the job’ look. Brilliant stuff – Devon knows what she was dreaming about to wake up that shady.
Every day we would mark our trips from coffee shop to coffee shop. It’s the only way to tackle a new city.
First coffee shop was a cute little indie French place. Mary and I were back to our conversing over various crazy – at some points San Fran felt like one long therapy session.
Off we trotted to the place of dreams, and on the way passed the exact same cute little indie French place, sneaky coffee chains.
Columbus Avenue. Home to the city lights bookstore, where many authors got their start and they continued to sell books that were otherwise banned in the states – which included one of my faves, Vonnegut’s Slaughter House Five. Columbus Avenue – also home to the beat museum – aka Mecca to pretentious American Lit students like Mary and me.
A museum that celebrates the beat generation – well Kerouac might find it odd but hopefully he would appreciate how inspiring it was. I identify with him as a writer – OH GROAN, another fucking one – but bugger it, what I respect was his defiance. Writing, to him, wasn’t simply for the elite – it was a charting of experience and feeling and to him he wanted to write the way a jazz musician plays music. In long continuous bursts or short, sharp notes –unrestricted and free. That’s how he believed writing should be – and I agree with him.
He didn’t want to correct too much or work for hours to make something 100% coherent because then that would take away from how he felt at that exact moment. Again – I like that, it seems so organic. But to me the most powerful part of that museum was an old poster that said ‘FUCK HATE.’ I loved that! I loved the hippy vibe, people seemed so much more adventurous, they were expanding their minds, questioning the government, writing literature for teens – it was just a very exciting time. And again I feel a little overwhelmed speaking solely about it – I would rather interject THAT feeling, the feeling I had in the museum, the feeling I used to get in class and reading the books on my course – that infinite feeling of hope and love and freedom and the joy of writing and travelling – I want that in my work and my life more often.
It had been a while since Mary and I had a coffee – so off we trot back to a little Italian coffee shop I had previously stumbled upon. Mary! You gotta meet this guy that owns the café I was just in, he’s old but he has an accent like you hear in the films!
‘You wanna know what a macchiato is?’
‘I really do.’ (In no way sarcastic – I was lapping this up!)
‘A macchiato, it’s a spot. Heya you, you gotta little macchiato on your top, on your dress. You can get a macchiato anywhere.’
‘I really have to go get my friend, but I love your accent – I think I’m staying to hear you speak.’
‘You lika my accent? I lika yours.’
So I did have to go back – I have never genuinely in the flesh heard an Italian-American accent! It was soo cool. I am lame, half a minute ago I was cooing over Kerouac and his stance on writing – now I’m getting gooey over a gangster accent. Must be the Dean Martin fan in me.
(Disclaimer: I understand not all Italian Americans are gangsters – but the accent reminds me of the Godfather – and I LOVE those films.)
‘Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition.’
‘Write in recollection and amazement for yourself.’
‘Accept loss forever.’
Shit. Accept loss forever? That’s difficult, Kerouac. Accepting anything is hard and then accepting it forever? Well I read these words as Mary and I set off to walk the Golden Gate Bridge. Everyone thought we were crazy because it was about a 4 mile walk away – it’s half a mile long and we insisted on walking back to our hotel after that. A lorra lorra miles – but we wanted to, thankfully we are both hardcore walkers – and I had something on my mind. I had to accept loss forever.
I spoke out a lot of what had been poisoning my mind – and I couldn’t help but think of a love of mine back home, who had said – ‘Believe in change, you believe in redemption don’t you? Stop theorizing it then and believe me, believe people can change.’ (These are nearly her words, I can’t remember verbatim.) – So I have to believe in change and accept loss forever – let go of hurt and love oneself – let go of torture and pain and believe in peace so much so that you are peaceful in your day to day life. And I had walked and talked so much and I was getting tired so I said, Mary – I want this to go away now. I want all the pain I spoke to you about to be gone. So we stopped and sat and were quiet and then out to sea it went. Perhaps in Alcatraz now – far away from me – and my God was I lighter. I was so happy walking over that bridge and I have been happier since. It’s not always that easy – but when I think of the process it hasn’t been easy – it was just time to really call it quits. Call any hatred or ill feeling – quits. Ciao.
When I want serenity now, I think of being sat on that rock in San Fran and saying goodbye to feeling shit. Because, just if anyone is speculating about what I was facing – it was feeling bad, feeling bad about certain things and yet no one thing in particular – it was a bid for peace. I like to think I’m some of the way there.
Mary and I skipped home – only metaphorically of course – we were fecking nackered! We bought a feast and took it home to the hotel and scoffed and scoffed and slept like peaceful bambinos.

Thursday - 26th August 2010- 'Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion: Day One'

2010-09-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

Arriving in San Francisco,
With everyone obsessing over ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ – it made me think. What if you wanted all those things but didn’t want to have to leave your love behind? What if, once again the love you had chosen was the non-whirlwind, non- ‘fleeting-holiday-romance’ kind. That instead of upbeat catchy top 20 hits being ‘your song’, Nat King Cole’s – ‘unforgettable’ was more the sort of vibe. Well that’s more me, my friend. And the person I wanted to love more was…well me. Because when I love me more, Seth loves me more.
So take it as corny – take it how you will, but Mary and Pep’s westward expansion was supposed to be an expansion of the mind. I knew I wanted to discover and feel new things – but I knew what I also wanted to do was face, fight and free old demons. I am very happy to say – San Francisco was just the place and Mary was just the girl to go with.
San Francisco looked like no other place I had ever seen. Then again I’m not all that well travelled.
The houses were made of different kinds of fruit sherbet, well maybe they were – some looked like well decorated cakes – finished with gold dragees. The sky at night was a Turkish delight and though I only just arrived I was full and satisfied but wanting more.
That night it began – Mary and I talked and walked and starting sharing all sorts of crazy with one another from childhood hang-ups to what pissed us off last week. We walked through Golden Gate Park and to the painted ladies, stopping off at a gourmet food shop on the way home to purchase Sophia Coppolla’s wine in can. *wink*

Today was already enough to make me love San Fran – I was excited, so excited by our entire day wrapped up in it, tomorrow.

August 24th-26th - 'Mary and Pep's Westward Expansion: Introduction.'

2010-09-06T16:34:00.001-07:00

Honey, I’m home.
Well Rendered Author, Mary – joined me in Vancougar for what we later referred to as ‘Mary and Pep’s Westward Expansion.’ We travelled down through Washington, over Oregon and into California – where we stayed in San Francisco, Los Angeles and San Diego before returning to Vancougar via Portland and Seattle, albeit briefly.

My degree was in English and American Literature and this trip has been on my mind since I started university.
‘Someday baby, I’ll go there…’
And guess what baby, someday, last week, I did go there.
As this serves as the introduction I will show a few photos from the beginning part whilst we were in Vancougar. We stayed at my friend’s house in the downtown core and went out to a Spanish café – which specialized in chocolate delicacies and live flamenco singing and dancing. A theme to look out for is that in my U.S exploration I couldn’t leave my love of Europe behind – and in fact, my heart and mind is lead back there a lot. Tonight I thought of Spain.

Friday - 20th August 2010 - 'Day off'

2010-08-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

I said earlier that NOTHING will keep me from the beach. Nothing. So off I trot. I should be perhaps planning my holiday or catching up on sleep. Nope. Sand here I come.... Raaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr....

The story - rough version

2010-08-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

It is illegal to open another person’s post. It is wrong to open another person’s post. All the same it is tempting.
4 weeks in the new flat and everyday post arrives for her address, except it is not for her. It is for another person called Isobella. Every day it arrives and everyday it is collected. All the other post for an incorrect address stays on the table in the foyer of her block of flats for weeks on end until the landlord finally and quite begrudgingly comes to bin it. But Isobella Shaw’s post was always promptly removed.
This morning made it exactly 9 months, 2 weeks and 3 days since Isobella quit smoking. It had now been 4 hours and 23 minutes since she had lovingly sucked out the last drag from her Richmond cigarette and extinguished it fully by holding it outside of the shelter of her umbrella. She had missed that hiss it made, the aural indicator she was satiated.
Five seconds since her last drag, she inhaled again, while the kettle boiled. Black coffee; salt and cracked pepper kettle chips; dark chocolate; her loyal brand of cigarettes; she was steeped in sin.
Her crimes would be all the more delicious if she could pore over the letter she had laid on the kitchen table. Isobella Shaw received hand written letters sometimes more than once a day, sinful Isobella wondered the last time anyone had hand -written her a letter. The last time anyone had hand written her anything was on the back of a business card, 2 weeks ago. It said, ‘I’ve paid for the drinks but I have to go, I’m sorry. You understand. Bye.’
Truth was she had understood – he was ten years her senior and her boss. She was jealous of his ability to make a quick escape; if only all encounters could be so fleeting. He had told her how his last wife was crazy and how ‘his darling Isobella’ was crazy, how he fervently believed he could never fall in love with a woman who wasn’t crazy, simply because the best and the beautiful always are.
Vienna roast, always made strong. She brought the mug to her lips and left it poised at her mouth’s edge, still watching the letter. Every day Isobel Shaw’s letters are sealed with three strips of tape, sometimes two and on one rare occasion there was only one strip of tape. On that day inquisitive-Isobel had thought about opening it. She had never before thought of opening it – not until it seemed even the slightest bit easy to do. Today the letter had no tape on it and was in no way sealed. It was an easy crime…the best and the beautiful always are.
The coffee was still too hot, so she placed it down again and began eating the crisps, licking the thick rock salt off her fingers after every bite. She continued to alternate between her crisps and her squares of dark chocolate, which she dipped in her coffee, not so much for the taste but for the ritual of it. It reminded her of watching her Nanny dip biscuits in her tea as she told stories.
When greedy Isobella was a young girl Nanny told her a story about promises, she said that promises are like marbles – and once they are broken they smash into tiny pieces – she wished she could get that story out of her head. She found it hard to lie because she imagined that beautiful marble she won as a child. It was emerald green with flecks of gold. It didn’t have that eye in the middle that marbles usually had. She never wanted to picture it smashing. But the marble was now in a box somewhere - or maybe it wasn’t, she never checked on the real marble, she only ever imagined the ‘promise marble.’
She slid the letter out from the envelope.
A green marble, somewhere, in another universe smashed against a hardwood floor and she mentally dropped to her knees to examine the pieces. They seemed even prettier to her suddenly, like diamonds, something new. Diamonds, ash and coffee, greens and blacks and greys filled her mind. She had picked up the letter from the downstairs post table, purely because it was open. And if anybody asked she would say she didn’t read the whole name – maybe, no harm no foul. Locks are only for the honest – the dishonest find a way around them.
She had never mastered the art of lighting her zippo by rolling it along her jeans, until just now, but with no one around to see it the victory was far less sweet than she had hoped. She let her freshly lit cigarette hang from her lips and reveled in the smoke that filled her eyes. It was something she used to despise – but now, having missed her awful habit so much she didn’t seem to mind. The familiar burning in her nostrils and the memory that smoke must have made her eyes water before made her think of the last cigarette she was ever going to have. That was 9 months and 23 days ago, when her young Auntie had lost yet another battle with Cancer. Continuing smoking seemed like sleeping with a murderer.

But two weeks ago, felt like a long yesterday. She hadn’t moved past the moment, it had occupied her brain – it was worst just before bed, before sleep takes a hold, when the mind is making the dreams it wants. When the mind is most impressionable she would replay him calling her crazy – the way he challenged her to be anything other than what he had said - and now how neurotic she had become about being crazy. How appealing mental illness seemed all of a sudden.
She unfolded the stolen letter. But from a momentary glance at the page she could tell the handwriting wasn’t soft, or of love, but of hatred. The letter read,
‘You fucking bitch – reading someone else’s letter.
I have seen you watch my post every day. I have seen you pick it up and run your finger along the bottom of the envelope. And I will have seen you finally steal my letter.
How fucking dare you.
You pathetic child – picking it up when it wasn’t sealed – you are so predictable. More predictable than the 141 bus you catch, more predictable then the crush you have on your boss and more predictable than the suit you wore to work today. You can pretend you are another normal girl but I know you.
A spoilt little brat like you will never change.
Never pick up my post again. You fucking whore.’

Isobella walked to the window and closed the curtains. She picked her cell phone but didn’t know who to dial, she was petrified. She was near hysterical when she heard loud banging on her flat door.

Tuesday - August 17th - 'BFW - Flagging, only slightly.'

2010-08-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

So not used to this working everyday thang. My oh my. Ok I will try to stop complaining about that. NO I WON'T! But I will at least spread it out. Proms.

I cried at work yesterday - so sadact, but there was this boy that looked like Teddy and the boy was sad so I got sad. Really need to stop being a creep about my nephew and neices - I miss them loads and think about them loads but I need to realise the world over is not them.

Writers group last night went well, I actually read! Wowza - I'm gonna put the piece on here, my virtual fridge for good work. It's just a little short story, could be fun for ya'll to read. (The Pepparazzi.)

BACK TO WORK

Monday - August 16th 2010 - 'Blogging from Work.'

2010-08-16T15:31:00.001-07:00

I am of course on my break - but I don't really like eating lunch at work at the mo - there's no where to eat it - so I have a protein bar and eat A.S.A.I Get Home. Also there's no where I can be peaceful so I sit on the computer and get interrupted by customers a lot. Not their fault, mostly mine, I should stop being a wimp and sit upstairs with the seagulls, away from the customer service desk.
NAAAAHHHH. I'll write my blog.
I'm working like a dog on a leash until my holiday - lets see it officially starts with the arrival of Mary next Monday. Before then I have ONE day off. Blah. BLAH INDEED. Oh well the Cash Prize Monies (CPMs) should be good.
At the moment everything is geared towards travelling - everything. I should buy this for travelling. Oh this is light and breezy - this would be good for travelling. Oh a fancy passport holder - this will be good for travelling. Oh a cracker - this will be good for travelling.

Oooh Back to work! xxxxxxxxxxx

Sunday - August 15th - 'Working Like a Robot.'

2010-08-15T08:54:00.001-07:00

A girl at my work has been asked to leave and now I have been filling in mad hours – I have also now gone full time. One thing I said I would NEVER do – well I’m doing it! And I have yet to adjust to doing anyone thing 5 days a week since – I’m not kidding since I left secondary school. Is that Awful? College wasn’t even 5 days a week and while I’ve had other jobs and done stuff 5 days a week even 7 days a week - this is my first intensive 5 day week stint at any one thing. Uni was a few days and I worked in between.
Frankly I should be applauded for my efforts of staving off till now – and still it’s not a long term thing – because I plan on having a career with odd hours. I’ll look for one in the odd hour career section. People’s general response to me being like – waaa full time? Is to say ‘welcome to adult hood.’ Frankly I don’t like the expression ‘Welcome to…X, Y or Z’ as a response to – why is something so shit. But welcome to adulthood – mmmm.
Next time I hear of someone going through an experience similar to ones I believe actually have made me an adult – I’ll say, ‘welcome to adult hood’ and patronize them massively.
Ooooh sorry that had a little more bite than I intended. Think of me saying it in a way where I do loads of O.T.T hand gestures – it’s funny then and not spiteful.

But what I am really trying to say is I haven’t managed to catch up with myself. This week in between mad hours – which has been 6 day stretches I have been booking a holiday to the States. WAAAAAHHHH!!!! So I tell you look forward to the Kerouac section of this blog coming in a couple of weeks – coz I am bloody well excited.

Also now the elaborate trip is booked and paid for – I can get on with normal writing endeavors – like my blog, because I love my blog. I really very much do. And I’m sorry I don’t keep it polished and perfect when I know I should – mainly I just want to keep it current – and that takes precedent over punctuation I’m afraid. I hope you prefer it this way too.

Tuesday - 8th August 2010 - 'A revelation... of sorts...'

2010-08-08T15:11:00.001-07:00

Nothing like a 34 km bike ride in the drizzle to get you energized! I love cycling along the dyke to Steveston Village. Steveston is this small village on the water front that has an abundance of gourmet food shops, gift shops, consignment stores and ice cream stalls – you can see why I love it! Cycling there and back got me excited about food – what would I have with my porcini and truffle olive oil? Mmm - Definitely some organic mushrooms from a deli on the way back and perhaps a salad with fresh leaves from the farmers market. See, to me this is really exciting. In between writing – bike riding, ice cream eating and picking fresh food to cook with at home – I’m living a bit of a different life from back home.
But I had this revelation – Canada is not England.

As soon as I really thought about this – I mean really thought about it – I have started to enjoy myself a lot more. Canada absolutely cannot compete with England for culture, galleries, theatre, PUBS, clubs and discotheques. Canada doesn’t have all of my loved ones (bar a few!) and it can’t do a bang up breakfast or fish and chips the way England can– but see Canada has lots of other stuff going for it. That was my problem – I was always comparing Canada with stuff I loved back home – and of course it’s never gonna be up to standard if it has to compete with my love of London and it’s dwellers.
Canada has mountains and bike paths and gourmet food shops I adore being in. Canada has amazing scenery and adventure tours –and it gives me space to write and reflect.
It's never too crowded and you are guaranteed to always be able to have chicken wings at a restaurant! Oh yeah and I really love the company I work for - and the stuff I've been learning.

So really it’s done me a world of good – Canada is not England. It’s Canada. D’uh.

Some photos of Steveston in the rain -

Tuesday - 8th August 2010 - 'Was the Juice Worth the Squeeze?'

2010-08-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Yes it is my new catch phrase – and I’m afraid it is sticking around ladies and gents, so enjoy it.
I spilt a glass of wine everywhere yesterday and had to pick shards of glass up from the floor. Kevin’s response, ‘Was the juice worth the squeeze?’ I had to scowl – but really it was quite funny. Would I pick up a smashed glass of wine for every one I drank? Mmmm.
The squeeze I would like to discuss now is that of the Vitamin Water. I was a follower. I loved them. But apparently they are getting sued for misrepresentation – and I’m afraid I am one of the suckers that believed they were remotely healthy. See I knew they had sugar in - but it was cane juice and I’m a firm believer in a little bit of the bad stuff, as long as it’s natural is better than a lot of the chemical ‘zero-calorie’ aspartame stuff. Get me? But as it turns out there is A LOT of sugar in Vitamin Water. The side that shows grams of sugar is actually per serving and whilst before I would have glanced at this number and figured a serving was a bottle, actually according to Vitamin Water there are 2.4 servings in their bottles. Thus making these bottles Sugar Water with added vitamin, and I’m afraid ending this loving relationship. Except for I actually stocked up on them before Kevin told me that they were being sued, no bloody wonder they were so cheap!

Memories like the corners of my mind, misty water colored memories, of the way we were….

(This is the song that always plays through my mind when I give something up – I have a little mental montage of me and the bad thing – had it with Nestle, cigarettes and now Vitamin Water….)

Monday - 7th August - 2010 - 'It's a new dawn, it's a new day , it's a new project.... and I'm feeling like a road trip.'

2010-08-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

My brother emailed me to say – ‘I read your blog like others watch East Enders.’ Mmmm How do I feel about this? Again with the ‘guilty pleasure’ bit! NOT COOL!
So project for last week was to finish that manuscript! This week it’s to plan a trip to the U.S! ARGH! Then when that is all planned – when the reality of road tripping to L.A sinks in – then I will get back to writing! There are pieces backed up in my mind! I need to open the flood gates of genius onto my laptop.

Friday - 6th August 2010 - 'Party in the U.S.A!'

2010-08-08T09:14:00.000-07:00

Manuscript finished – the next port of call was the weekend in the States –I had booked Seth a bungee jump but then he really buggered his back – something to do with his spine – so no bungee – but we went to the States for Taco Bell, Swimming and Abercrombie.

I drove everybody crazy with my desire to go to TACO BELL!!! Now I have finally been, I feel a little more at peace with myself. 'I CAN'T GO TO TACO BELL - I'M ON AN ALL CARB DIET!!'

Thursday - 5th August 2010 - 'AH! FINALLY!'

2010-08-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

SO , let me see, let me see. I have in the past week been editing the manuscript of a chap at my writers group (the one with the same jeans as me). I think too much toast is caught under my laptop keyboard because it is quite hard to type! But yes I really got down to business on the toast – I mean manuscript and in between work I was able to finish it in a week and get it to him downtown. I cycled to his then to Bard on the Beach from Jericho Beach (pictures below), now a little change in the line-up has occurred re, my bike.
One of Mum’s friends gave Mum her old bike. And old it is – but it has gears! And doesn’t rattle quite so much and honestly with the routes I take my bike on, it is less likely to kill me. So, it is with great sadness I swapped my beautiful, aesthetically -pleasing bike for the monster of function. I will keep my life when I cycle up and down the hills of downtown – but my dignity? What about that?
I’m kidding the new bike is very nice – it’s an old cruiser – but it doesn’t say – ‘excuse me I’m English can you point me in the direction of the post office, please?’ My beautiful bike will stay in the States for a time and I can visit it often.

Monday - 26th July 2010 - 'Welcome...'

2010-07-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

to my blog, Raymond!!!

Saturday - 24th July 2010 - 'Catch ups'

2010-07-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

Blah – I have been pulling loads of overtime hours at work and haven’t had the chance to quite catch up with myself.
Catch ups-
New Stuff: I gracefully bowed out of my column but my editor is still interested in using my writing so we’re going to discuss other projects. Stay tuned.
I will be unveiling a new blog soon (because I am always so caught up on this one!) and it will be based on the knowledge I have gained from working in a specialty food shop. I get so tired of the expression ‘I’m not a dietician, sorry.’ I have been handing out advice willy nilly, may as well put it in writing for ya’ll.
I’m planning a surprise weekend for Seth not this weekend but the weekend after as it will be the only time in August we get a full two days together – he is pulling loads of overtime as well. Seth NEVER reads this so I could tell you everything I am planning but the hundred to one off chance he reads this ain’t worth spoiling the fun – sorry! I’m getting very cited by it all though.
My dear chum, ‘Well Rendered’ author and tartan skirt wearing lady friend, Mary is coming to visit me in a month and we plan to head on down to the States, I am also SUPER EXCITED about this! We are going to be super pretentious and read Kerouac and be deep. I hope.
I want to go to the beach today! But I have to wait for Seth to arise from his slumber. Boo.
My brother Laurence passed his driving test. Woop. So we had beer, chicken wings and RAMBO last night. Wait, we didn’t have RAMBO – though I would kinda love slash hate to meet John Rambo – we watched him on DVD.
I got a raise at work!
Old news – I STILL get up at seven every week day morning to speak on skype to Hazel/Rose.
I STILL really miss home.
I STILL haven’t had a raucous night out. I mean I’ve had nights out but not raucous – not London style, I’m afraid. I need to have the dancing.
And on a separate note I would like to clear up rumors I will not be returning home. I most certainly will be returning home. I most certainly did leave a huge piece of myself in England. I most genuinely can’t function fully without a lot of the people I am missing.
But I am STILL scared of the Tories.

Tuesday - 20th July 2010 - 'What's King Lear about Gurl?'

2010-07-20T13:39:00.000-07:00

Oh my this blog got awfully serious.

In superficial news I ate some very triangular, very hard crisps yesterday and it split the roof of my mouth – it bled loads and now there is a dangly bit of skin hanging from the roof of my mouth. To fuse the skin back in its place or to somehow get tweezers behind my teeth and pull the dangling bit out, that is the question.

Hamlet had a similar problem.

I realize at this point I often make very rudimentary Shakespeare jokes. How naff – it shows I’m really only very familiar with about 3 of his plays and that actually I don’t know any other poets. How crass. What a Philistine I must be – Ode to Autumn! Alas! This is my Albatross, I must wear it like an Ancient Mariner. That I have never read another poem other than Shakespeare’s shows that I have Paradise Lost. There is not a reason why, there is just a Shakespeare line. Perhaps like a tiger, tiger in the night I should go to a library, seek out Evermore Lenore, (or other similarly named librarian) to tell her I am a Blantant Beast and I need some books.

Sunday - July 18th 2010 - 'Happy Birthday Holly!'

2010-07-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

Climbed the grouse mountain again on Sunday and shaved over an hour off my time from the first time I ever did it – not a bad whack. Gotta make that body strong!

As for other world news – Sunday 18th July is my beautiful niece’s birthday. Holly turns 6 today! And though it would be unfair to how smart, eloquent and mature she is to say – she can’t possibly be 6 – I just think ‘she can’t possibly be 6!’ I wrote her a birthday card, in place of the cuddle it pains me I can’t give her, and I think the card was a little ‘sob sob your turning 36 and you can drive and have a house.’ But really she is a charming young lady and if you ever have the pleasure of meeting her you will certainly agree she is every bit as beautiful as her mother and every bit as wise as her father.

Saturday - 17th July 2010 - 'Incept this'

2010-07-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

Spurred on by the sorry news I needed a beer and an escape – so I went to see Inception. Bloody amazing I must say. My state of mind helped the film become even trippier – it really was great but I want everyone to see it with as little previous knowledge of it as possible. Trust me the juice is well worth the 12 dollars.

Saturday - 17th July 2010 - 'A Cloudy Day.'

2010-07-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

Sorry folks – went a bit AWOL there.

My Auntie Jo passed away this weekend - not much to say on that because Cancer is plain fucking horrible. Last time I saw her she was wearing the Marc Jacobs head scarf I gave her and we were drinking red wine together – I think I’m gonna live in that moment a lot for a while. Cancer takes lives – but we can’t let it take over lives.
The only thing that can be learnt – if anything, other than life is fragile and sometimes bad stuff happens to wonderful people – is to make sure we are the strongest we can be in order to tackle inevitable complications.
As for Jo – I love her and I believe she’s in Heaven drinking red wine with some other interesting people!

Sunday - July 4th - 9th 2010 - 'A little overview.'

2010-07-10T08:36:00.001-07:00

A little bit about respect .
This week has brought to my attention the importance of respect. Those who want it, those who have it and those who lose it. Any relationship just can’t function without it. Luckily I respect myself so any boy I was going to be with would have to respect me otherwise he wouldn’t have even been a prospective. In the past people have asked me – how come he respects you so much, or treats you this way? (These questions have been asked, a thank you!) To questions like this I say being disrespected wasn’t an option. Yes Seth is an amazing guy and isn’t remotely sexist – but if he was sexist or disrespectful he wouldn’t be my boyfriend. As ever you have to ask yourself – is the juice worth the squeeze, baby? Whilst the very beginning of any romance seems like the easiest, most free-flowing thing in the world – long term relationships are fucking hard. And the only thing that makes them amazing is if you both respect each other – more so than being attracted to each other, more so than being in love with each other and more so than enjoying one another’s company. If there’s no respect – there’s no dice. It seems obvious to the educated reader but be warned it is a very easy trap to fall into.
So – being a lover and not a fighter, I am used to relationships that are based on respect. I respect every single person I love and they respect me. The only time before now that I didn’t feel respected was when I waitressed and even then it was only from time to time I’d get kissed or groped or shouted at. But I was still at uni and I had allies at work. Louise and I would find all the losers who bugged us damn near hilarious. We escaped into our little fantasy world – where everything was funny, everyone was a stereotype and at the end we would take cupcakes home and it would be OK.
But now, in a world away from natural allies I’m back on the front line of customer service realizing about respect – nice work if you can get and if you get it, won’t you show me how? I think mostly customers just whine at me, they clearly don’t have a blog to do that on, but heyho on with the show.
So I work at a specialty food store and as it turns out I now know loads about food, what it does and why we need certain things for ‘overall health’ – I find myself saying overall health all the time. But that is all off my own back, I’m allowed to surf the net over enquiries but now I do loads of stuff with stock I have less work time for research – but if something comes up I write it in my book and follow it up at home. I need to always be learning and so that’s great. But people come in and say to me – ‘oh my naturopath said this to me – what should I eat…’ and I finish those sentences (always with the disclaimer I’m not a dietician but…) and I wonder how much that naturopath got paid to tell them half of what they needed to know whilst I filled in the blanks. And it wouldn’t be too much an issue – the money thing is not everything, naturopaths know loads and I like that they are becoming more respected and radah radah radah. What I would really like to know is how much RESPECT did you give your naturopath and given the way you are talking to me now – how much RESPECT are you giving me? The discrepancy is HUGE. So that’s been kinda bugging me – but after a short meditation – I respect the company and dealing with people’s whining etc is probably a brilliant skill to be learning. Turns out lots of the time people LOVE to be patronized. (AMERICAN SPELLING IS EVERYWHERE!)
Respect point deux – I volunteer at Bard and always feel respected. Isn’t that odd? Volunteer jobs get respect I feel. But also in my particular volunteer job - people love the theatre, they love wine –I serve them wine at the theatre budda bing, budda boom. I always feel respected by my bosses and by the other volunteers – it genuinely is a good crack. So yes interesting point – in a job that pays no dice, ha, no cash I feel it most.
Respect point trois – Writing – now I have found it genuinely hard to write recently in the past week or so but I felt my column, though I was getting great feedback from other people who had read it, my editor would give NO feedback. I’m not getting paid for this so you see my payment should be feedback, critiques, or even just a thumbs up. But I get nada, every time – and every time they tell me they’re busy. So frankly I like the idea of wrapping it up, it is now a mini series of ten, I have a wonderful starter for a portfolio – I enjoyed it but now no more energy into something that I don’t feel I’m getting all the respect I deserve. Also I genuinely do believe it works better as a mini series - just seems better that way – it spanned several months and covered a range of ‘boomerang topics’ and now it’s time for me to think about other things to write, I think – I hope. I’m hoping by closing this door another will open. I hope. I hope. I hope.

Saturday - July 3rd 2010 - 'Tenacious D - Rock!'

2010-07-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

Cllimbed Grouse mountain avec le garcon, twas tres bien. Well it was bloody hard work – I did it last year and remember it being slightly more fun – but that’s coz I stopped and gossiped with my sister the entire way up. Puffed out people would stop and tell us the grind isn’t supposed to be fun. But this time I was trying to keep up with Seth. Not an easy task when you can’t breathe through your nose. For a little bit Seth would hold his nose shut to see what is was like for me – and I got some sympathy. I’ve been advised to snort salt water but the idea makes me squeal and scrunch my face – so probs a long way off actually doing it! So yes – reaching the top felt pretty great, I’m definitely a lot fitter than last year and I’d like to do it again – it’s such a good work out and you feel like you can eat anything afterwards! It was Ice cream for supper!
Oh yeah – we saw Jack Black at the top of the mountain! Waaaaaahhhhh!!!

Friday - July 2nd 2010 - 'Rope dog.'

2010-07-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

I was mainly annoyed about all the crap I drunk and ate yesterday – the juice was not worth the head squeeze.
Saw Toy Story 3D at Lars’ request was pretty good though – nothing like having a down day at the cinema. I like going to the cinema here – it seems to be a grander affair – not quite so lame I think.

Thursday - July 1st - 'Canada Day'

2010-07-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

Bugger me! There was a lorra lorra flags.

Wednesday - June 30th 2010 - 'What's King Lear about gurl?'

2010-07-10T08:28:00.000-07:00

I had tickets to see a play at Bard tonight – but three days in a row away from Seth in the evening didn’t sound so much fun. So I ditched. After all Seth is sexier than Shakespeare.

Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.

Tuesday - 29th June 2010 - 'Come on Bardo'

2010-07-10T08:27:00.001-07:00

Tuesday 29th June 2010
Oh dear reader – I made a new friend.
I’m serious! I spoke to her for ages and I liked talking to her and she matched me for energy, enthusiasm and a love of England. She overheard me thanking someone for milk, while we were both volunteering at Bard on the Beach.
She asked ‘Are you English?’
‘What, what? Of course I bloody well am.’
Then she said something beautiful, something truly magical – ‘I’m going to London in 10 days – where should I go out?’
I was made up! I proceeded to tell her for 45 minutes solid about the joys of London and assured her - ‘she who tires of London tires of life, for in London is all that life beholds.’ I think I’m going to be vicariously getting a wee summer in London. I have told her everywhere to go as long as she tells me everything about her trip!
Also that girl I told is really pretty, I think, thinks I’m gay. She’s very sweet to me – but looks a little nervous as though I might pull her over the pop up Starbucks tent and snog her. I really, really won’t do that.

monday - 28th June 2010 - 'Hip teens don't wear blue jeans.'

2010-07-10T08:26:00.000-07:00

My attempt to at least somewhat catalogue my writers group times – Monday is work then straight there – but I get to perhaps wash a little – not a lot and mum has started making me a cheeky sandwich to eat in the car on the way because I am HANK MARVIN by the time I get off work and have cycled home.
Most notable thing at writers group for me was that I and a chap that must be at least 50 years older than me were wearing the exact same pair of jeans! Black faded Levi 501s – to me this is so cool – a testament to the fact that fashion isn’t a trend it’s style. Edward has it, I have it. Pucker.

Sunday - June 27th 2010 - 'Hunter - Gatherers.'

2010-06-29T13:04:00.001-07:00

Mother and I found these at the side of the road. We gobbled them all up.

By found I mean bought. They are red so they will be good food for Canada day. Strawbs and Beans. I'm learning.

Saturday - 26th June 2010 - 'Naivety'

2010-06-29T12:46:00.000-07:00

I covered an extra shift today – I tried to get out of it by insisting I celebrate my birthday every 26th of the month, no dice I’m afraid.
My boss asked me what I planned on doing with my future. Fuck me – I thought that’s a scary question. I’ve yet to answer it – I still kinda expect my eldest brother to tell me. Austen said once, when I was little, I should write for magazines and I believed him fervently so much so I never did anything towards that goal until, well, a few months ago.
‘Dear Marie Claire.
I have believed I should work for you since I was 12. I think this is as good a reason as any to employ me. My brother thinks I would suit this job perfectly. Any dice?’
All my love
Pep.’

‘Dear Pep
No dice.
Sincerest apologies
Marie Claire.’

Friday - 25th June 2010 - 'Bumper to Bumper'

2010-06-29T12:44:00.000-07:00

When I was much younger my eldest brother took me to play on the bumper cars – I have blocked a lot of this from my memory as it’s just too scarring. I couldn’t master them and pretty much got kicked off for ruining other people’s fun. It was a sad, sad day for me.
Seth’s suggestion to go go-karting brought back all these horrible flashbacks of the boys face in the other bumper car as I continuously but accidentally bashed his car over and over. ‘Why are you picking on me?’ he shouted. I’m so sorry to that small boy – I wasn’t meaning to be cruel, I was just bumperly-challenged.
So as the saying goes when you fall off the horse you have to wait ten or so more years before you get straight back on the horse.
I went go-karting and not only was it fun – I was able to use the pedals and turn corners – Seth says it’s the same as driving an automatic – but the go-karting people wouldn’t give me a driver’s license just for navigating my way around the course. Damn. Still it was a fun thing to do with Laurence and Seth on a nice hot day.

Thursday - 24th June 2010 - 'Canada, was that you?'

2010-06-29T12:43:00.001-07:00

Another woman I think is beautiful, Lucille at my work, is 72! Wahh – 70 seems to be the new sexy. I told Lu t’uther day, ‘I want to tell you something I have said behind your back for a while now.’
She looked at me sternly – ‘What?’
‘I think you’re beautiful!’
I think she welled up. It was a cute moment, (blaady hell does all this woman do is tell other people she thinks their hot? What a creep!) but anyhoo Lu wanted me to do the Canada day celebration table at work. You know get the foods people eat on Canada day out and arrange them, use foods made in Canada – just pick things that are white and red, etc, etc. But I nearly finish and I’m flagging and I think I’m done but the table looks a little odd and I say – ‘I dunno what else do Canadians eat?’ Lu insists beans are a huge part of their culture – everyone eats beans on Canada day – beans are THE thing. So the table is now covered in Canadian brands, crisps, maple syrup jars, different white and red sweets and Italian beans in tins.

I love joking about different countrys' stereotypes btw. I love English ones too. They’re funny – anyone who gets remotely prickly about me oversimplifying an entire country into three food items can never again ask an English person if they like Tea, fish and chips or Mary Poppins – our national dish.
It was all made so funny by the lesson learning element of the exercise. I figured I wasn’t the best person for the job as the abundance of Canadian flags over here makes me a feel a little dizzy. But Lu insisted I must learn about the culture. I think I learnt I should eat more beans to blend in with the masses.

Wednesday - June 22nd 2010 - 'Tummy Rumblings.'

2010-06-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

Somedays I feel terribly, terribly home sick. Especially when I see stuff like this...

Disclaimer I look rough - I am tired and I've been crying all day but just look at the kids!!

Tuesday - 22nd June 2010 - 'Things what I do.'

2010-06-22T14:23:00.000-07:00

Things I do, read, listen to when I’m on the computer….

I write - I write my blog, my column, my TallGenez bit, I tweet, facebook, e-mail friends, I write a story, a play and various bits that I suppose loosely resemble articles.

I skype Rose - A LOT.

I read all the blogs it says I follow – plus some that aren’t on blogspot.com – those are
Tink’s blog - http://annabelcharmck.wordpress.com ,
Katy Regan’s blog - http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/community/blog/473388/can-t-bbq-won-t-bbq.html ,
David Mitchell’s observer columns
Various columns and health related pieces I stumble upon.
I listen to – Glee covers and my brother’s songs.
I watch – WHAT THE BUCK. It is really very funny.
What do you do with internet time…?!

Monday - 21st June 2010 - 'Dehr to my Heart.'

2010-06-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

Considering I attend writers group every Monday – I suppose I haven’t really spoken about it that much. Mainly because lots of the things I say are private and only for my Mummy’s ears and I don’t read there anymore – after my first stint – so other than retelling what everyone wrote, there aint much to be said yo. I think I give a very different critique to other people and I know for a start there are a few people there that do appreciate what I say – on the flip side I have been told that as I am ‘like 12’ people were probably not so inclined to listen to me. Noice.

But one of my favorite authors attends this group. Paul Auster. No I’m kidding - Roma Dehr. Do look her up she has a few books out. She is simply incredible. I had the pleasure of annotating one of her unpublished manuscripts – that was pretty amazing. But last night Roma read and I cried. Then I calmed down – then when it was my turn to critique I burst into tears again and went downstairs. Pretty embarrassing – but crying doesn’t embarrass me really – I do it so often it shouldn’t. Yes I realize that my crying can often be deduced to the fact I am only slightly less dramatic than Shakespeare’s Cleopatra but Roma’s piece really struck a chord. She wrote about approaching a girl on the street. Roma is actually a published author and intends on publishing more work so I don’t feel comfortable giving any kind of synopsis on her unpublished stuff. (Publish, Unpublish, publish - repetition.) I will simply say in the piece Roma talks to and feeds the homeless girl. The girl is about my age and it really, really hit home the discrepancy between what I want to do and what I am doing. I have seen girls my age on the streets and walked on because I’m scared or embarrassed – I don’t even know. I don’t want to fund drug habits but I should be trying to give homeless people food more often. I did it a few times in London but I don’t do it enough – I hope my outburst last night will at least spur me on to be more active. This is something I need to meditate on – so any discussion, comments, advice would be appreciated.

Sunday - June 20th 2010 - 'Winging It.'

2010-06-21T09:21:00.001-07:00

Metaphorically take the last blog post, metaphorically scrunch it up and metaphorically throw it in the recycle bin (that has one of those basketball hoops over it.) Because last night after massage therapy, (the guy touched my back and went ‘Oh My, do you live your life like this?!’) Seth and I went out for ‘all you can eat wings.’ See it wasn’t totally my bag - but it’s kinda hard to turn down when you’re in the restaurant next to your boyfriend who is gonna be scoffing wings and you’re gonna finish a sandwich or something, which was prolly not good for you from the get go - and there he is with a bottomless plate of wings. So I opted in and the minute I did this it wasn’t about food. It was a challenge, a competition, a chance to prove yourself once and for all - here was your million to one shot, you need to defend your heavyweight title! (I did mention I am being made to watch all the Rocky films? )
So all you can eat was $15.99, a plate of chicken 8 chicken wings would have been $9.99, 16 wings would have been $17.99. Do you see the dilemma already? You need to eat at least 16 wings to think you have ‘saved’ $2. Not really how a person should feel about food. But in the end - I managed 20 wings and almost all of Seth’s pint, Seth managed 28 wings, no pint and felt sick and tired for the rest of the evening. We got our money’s worth but I wont’ be doing it again - the wings were good though - I think half price wings Thursday will be a safer bet. Dining out over here is so sophisticated.

Saturday - June 18th 2010 - 'Peachy Keen'

2010-06-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

I am trying to keep in tune with my body and not ignore it anymore. I don’t want to eat junk food well, more than once a week anyway - mainly because otherwise Seth and I wouldn’t be able to ever have a meal together! I like doing more exercise and not smoking. I like not having to be on diets that never work - I just eat what I want and read labels and try not too eat too much crap. Too many people alter their diet in an attempt to be slimmer - I just want to be healthy and a good weight for your body type will be synonymous with that. I like knowing more about food and about Yoga and my muscles and all of that. I feel so much more confident - not that I am really any slimmer - but I know my body is healthy - that feeling is great.

And so it was pretty fun being out by the pool in English Bay beach with Seth - a pool on the beach by the mountains and the city - it really is a little slice of paradise for me. I love cities and I love the beach! We went down on our bikes - swam in the pool, sunbathed, ate ice creams - lucky us. And the whole time - I didn’t feel overtly self conscious in my cossie even next to my slender boyfriend - I just enjoyed being out in the sun.

Friday - 18th June 2010 - 'Click, Click, Click.'

2010-06-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

I hope you do still understand that I am working on the stuff I talk about here everyday and I am doing more behind the scenes too - I am always writing but also like to keep people updated and online records are fun. No?

Recently I got offered my first ever paid gig to edit a man at my writer’s group’s manuscript. He offered me a substantial sum as well - but I turned it down and instead offered to do it for free. I need the experience before I feel comfortable charging - but it was wonderful to be recognised. So this is ongoing for me too. His manuscript is kinda like Mario Puzo comes to Vancouver - his piece has an old gangsta feel to it but it also says ‘hard boiled crime fiction’ to me too. Will give overall synopsis when I am finished editing.
Someone in the story just got shot in the throat! Citing - if he were Mario Puzo he would have definitely told us the guy shit himself as he died. Puzo loves to do this.

My re-writing stuff has hit a bit of a wall because my Microsoft Word has been blocked since my computer crashed with a virus. I need to talk to a man who knows about these things but he is currently in the States. I am of course talking about my step dad. Till then it will have to be new projects. Which is a shame because I had been working on 6 short stories that tie in together, they were great too. And also a play I have been working on with Sasha is now temporarily blocked. D’oh, Oh and re-writing a play from college is temporarily blocked too. So yes that is a bit problematic. But I am enjoying disciplining my writing and this will continue well past Sunday, the day the fortnight finishes.

Friday I went to the doctors, now I pay for a healthcare system that in no way seems to benefit me (as the problem is my back and I don’t get covered for that) I figured I would take advantage of consultations with the doctor. She is gonna hear about my relationship with Big once a week, dammit. No well I had these annoying things I could have possibly ignored, but best to get them checked out. Mainly my back is causing problems again, somebody pissed me off at work and I felt myself tense my arm and my back and then as I violently put away stock I knew I had fucked my back up again. When did I get this stress-y!? I think it’s because I’m a vocal person and I’m not used to some of the rubbish that is being spouted at me at work. I know - I need to sort this out otherwise I’ll never be able to work a more challenging job. I guess I don’t feel particularly respected and that’s hard for me - so anyway back tensed up. (I’m not referring to people I work with but some of the customers are wildly rude.)

A guy came in to the shop and saw me stretching out my back so he asked me what was up and I told him I had a tense back, he then said he knew a bit about massage - what was wrong. ‘Oh fuck this’ I thought - I am not getting groped by any more customers. 'It’s purely emotional strain - when I get stressed I over tense.’ I said as I edged away from him. He told me I should take a deep breath rah, rah. Then noted I was English but I must have been here a while coz I have lost my accent - I get so annoyed when people say this! It seems they expect all English people to talk in a completely monotone way and because I don’t they think I must be Australian. Not much to say to this except I blame it on my co-worker who has a very thick Canadian accent and I like her so maybe I somewhat mimic her accent. I dunno why but I feel obliged to excuse my lack of a cartoon English accent. I tell the chap that after work I go home to my English mother, brother and boyfriend and top up my accent, cheerio, bloody hell, cup of tea, and all that and I’m ready for the next day.
To which the bloke replies - ’that’s why you’re stressed - you have an English boyfriend you need to dump him.’
Bloody hell, pal. Where do I start?!
I like my job and I enjoy working there, even though I get the odd weirdo - so, as I plan on keeping my job - I do this thing where I pin my smile up. I make sure that my grin couldn’t be bigger because the minute I stop tensing and smiling like a lunatic I will grimace and growl at the man and probably shoot off my mouth.
‘Quite the contrary - I like English lads I think they are probably best in the world for being gentlemanly and respectful.’
‘Oh yeah - how many men from different countries have you been with?’
‘Not answering that.’ I turn to serve the next customer but he insists on continuing to tell me over the other customer's head that English lads are too headstrong, rah rah.

It's all probably my fault for engaging in conversation with this guy - but we get some great customers in and the personal approach at the shop makes it really popular so we are encouraged to talk to the customers, help them find stuff, recommend stuff, etc. But shit like the way this guy spoke to me really winds me up.

When, oh when has it been OK to talk to people like this? I continually feel like I’m in a ‘Carry On’ film being here with the way some guys will talk to me. I don’t mind the customers that tell me I’m pretty and leave it at that but the one’s who try to grope me or insult my boyfriend really tick me off, heaven knows what would have happened if I had worked in a bar.

I feel like I need to wear multiple badges on my shirt at work - they would include:

‘English not Aussie.’

‘Keep your eyes ABOVE the prize.’

‘I heart my English Boyfriend.’

‘Would you like advice on how to cook Quinoa?’

‘Don’t touch me.’

‘Yes I can show you where the cereal is.’

Lol! I just re-read this post and I realise the wording is really quite confusing - just enjoy the general tone, don't pay too much attention.

Thursday - 17th June 2010 - 'Eldest BrOTHER.'

2010-06-20T12:54:00.000-07:00

He has insisted on calling me his ‘skin and blister’ my whole life but really I think he likes me. AJ is the singular most influential person in my life, nuff said on that.
He has recently written a few pieces on the politics in England. I am not very scholarly on this topic, however I feel his writing style makes it easy to understand even for dumbots like me - it’s definately worth the read and it gives a very interesting insight into contemporary British politics.

Follow this link:

http://ukneedschange.blogspot.com/

Wednesday - June 16th 2010 - 'Slightly older BrOTHER'

2010-06-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

This one - only people who know Laurence will really enjoy it - if you don’t probs just skim over it.

Batman, a.k.a Laurence Peppitt is a comical genius. He has been entertaining me and winding me up no end since I came into this world. He is currently making sure I watch all the Rocky films and now that we live together Seth, Laurence and I go out on a nice little date about once a week. Here is some of his artwork - which to me sums up his humour. He really is a funny bloke.

Tuesday - 15th June 2010 - 'Little BrOTHER.'

2010-06-20T12:23:00.000-07:00

My three BrOTHERS.

There are lots of things in my life that I feel make me unique. Re last post - I have a unique number. I think my closeness with my friends is unique, I think my eyebrows are unique and I think my relationships with my brothers are unique. I realise I do lots of ‘let me blog about my love for so and so…’ Yes I love them and I could go on for hours about why I love them and what makes them special but I just wanted to do a piece on their artwork. Each of them is very talented. I’ll start with the youngest and work my way up - also this helps because you need more concentration as you go through them. Okies?

My youngest brother is a musician and as a promise to him I will always plug his work as long as he always lets me be first journo of his life and everything he does. This works out for him because I’ll do it for free and I’m very, very good and it works out for me because he is an interesting specimen to write about. So if you ever thought YOU would get your big break writing about Buck Rogers (a.k.a Ben Peppitt) you were WRONG.

Ben has I think officially copyrighted his work - but it still ain’t available online. Here’s how it’s gonna go - send this template:

Yo Lady - I love your blog I bet your brother is super talented too. Please send me a sample.

With this title: Blog Love

To peppfiles@gmail.com- it is not the one most of you know - this is my official work one. Lol because for some reason the column ‘Pep’ got an extra P so I am ‘Pepp’ in my column. Go figure.

I will send you back a roughly recorded song. But it is great.

As for how it sounds? Well Ben and I are very similar with music tastes - he doesn’t have my penchant for 80’s power ballads I can ‘flash dance’ to but we grew up in admiration of my Dad and his taste in music. Non stop Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Dire Straits, Suede, Townes Van Zandt, David Bowie, Madonna (to not be totally serious), there was a Bon Jovi cassette in the car I believe and a 9 hour road trip to Holland where the only album we had was ‘Califronication’. The list continues - but really there was no childish music ever that I remember. My eldest brother had his influence too - Pixies, Prince, Space and Dean Martin to name the ones I remember the most. I guess you could say my musical learning was stunted at an early age because, well, I still listen to all the music I did as a kid.
It also means - no I have no clue what Bob Dylan song is on what album! This is something that comes up a lot. Dylan fans will say - okies what’s your favourtie album, ‘I dunno the one my Dad played the most...?‘
Something important I learned was to not get too emotionally involved with the artists, it’s hard because we want to get thoroughly wrapped up in what they say and do and how they live and we want to dress the same and essentially be influential in the same way they are. But my Dad said, when I was wee, not to do that. He told me Bob Dylan was rumoured to have hit his wife - Disclaimer: I am not saying he did! It could have been an awful US WEEKLY type rumour but it’s irrelevant to the lesson. Don’t follow them too much, don’t loose yourself too them because more often than not - they’re probably pretty messed up. So there you go - early on I learnt to love them and then to not love them in the same thought stream.
I digress, Ben however did learn a bit about the MUSIC we were listening too, he learnt the actual lyrics for a start and then how to emulate their sounds.
Liam - a family friend - taught him how to play guitar and the first thing my brother mastered was the guitar solo in the song ’Wipe out’. I’m pretty sure he was 13.
6 years later - I now have a song to share with you! And with regards to my earlier disclaimer - you will LOVE the song but don’t get obsessed with Ben Peppitt, okies?

I am continually working on promotional pieces and ways to get him online - any interesting tips do let a sister know.

Monday - 14th June 2010 - 'Fashion - f-f-f-Fashion'

2010-06-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

You think fashions a friend, my friend fashions a stranger.

I was gonna write about the photography tings Seth and I have been working on - instead I ended up writing about why British Fashion rules! But I’m afraid that’s for my private collection.

Things I touched on were Vivienne Westwood’s pioneering the ‘street fashion’ movement in London, Ethical fashion and men’s fashion. It was a very good piece. Also available from the PEP library - but not to the masses.

In case my coining the term ‘PEP library’ has anyone confused - it refers to things saved on my computer that I will email individuals but won’t publish here. I’m thinking of getting library cards made up, late fees, opening and closing times. The works. On the cyber building I’ll write something like - ‘Outside from a dog, Pep’s work is a person’s best friend. Inside of a dog - it’s too dark to read and your laptop won’t work.’ - Peppo Marx.

But aside from my writing I had a pretty incredible experience at work. I ended up talking to a customer for about an hour and we managed to talk about everything from menopause to God to raising children to my life with Seth. It was just crazy - she read me my numbers. I’m not entirely sure how this works but it just blew my mind how she basically told me so much that had happened and where I was in life. I don’t know that I take it as gospel but it was very powerful stuff and it just, oh I don’t know, had me gob smacked. I like to keep an open mind to the religious and spiritual realms that exist outside of my own knowledge and beliefs. She really amazed me and I think enlightened me to what I was doing with myself and why I was doing certain things. I don’t want to go into too much detail because I don’t want to be in a position of misrepresenting anything - it was just great to have an open mind and heart to what she was telling me. It felt like a pretty spiritual encounter and I enjoyed it.

Sunday - June 13th 2010 - 'Aquazza!'

2010-06-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

Seth and I got downtown again for the Aquarium and it was soo sunny and I loved it and ahh - Seth is soo cute with how much he loves animals. We left with a new zealous for being good to animals and making an even greater effort to eat responsibly farmed seafood.

On Saturday I bought Seth a ‘Kerouac-esque’ rucksack for our travels, mainly if we ever make it to Europe next year - it’s the perfect canvas travellers bag and he bought a patch for it from the Aquarium. Is that not the cutest thing ever?!

Saturday - June 11th 2010 - 'Ohh Bardo!'

2010-06-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

Today I had my volunteer training for ‘Bard on the Beach’ which is a Shakespeare festival held on the beach, downtown. It is of course directed by an English chap but the whole thing is Canadian and actually very, very well done. I am impressed every year - so I thought this year I would volunteer and be part of it.

The tent in the photos is where it will be - pretty incredible!

The training was nothing too comment worthy - I am trained on bar so giving wine to theatre goers sounds fun. The only thing note worthy - for reals - is the girl telling us all about the bar looked like a grown up version of my neice Ellie! It was soo trippy. (Ellie is 2, this girl was about my age.) But wow, she was just so beautiful in a really soft way. It makes sense to me. She wasn’t wearing any make up and hadn’t done anything to her hair. I probs looked so odd though - every time she looked at me I got choked up because she just reminded me soo much of my gorgeous niece. So if I do get to know her, I think I will hold off telling her this bit of information - I’m sure it would only sound creepy but if I ever get permission to publish her photo - I will show everyone who has ever met Ellie.

Friday - 11th June 2010 - 'Here Comes the Sun, dudududoooo'

2010-06-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Ahh my day off with Seth. It comes around once a week - it’s supposed to be two whole days but he’s had to make up over-time for our trip to Seattle so this week it was just one day and it was raining.

But we’re English so we persevered and headed downtown. The sun came out, we went to a restaurant on the harbour, we went on nice long walks, we went shopping, we bickered and made up - we had a really great day out. Some photos to follow. I love my boyo!

And someone must have twigged - I did get a camera for my birthday and I do use it a lot of the time!

Thursday - 10th June 2010 - 'Don't Touch Me Creep.'

2010-06-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

A customer at work today told me he needed to get a stray hair that had fallen on my polo shirt and managed to get a full grope in. CREEPY - I ran away from him at the till. VOM.

Anyhooo projected projectness.

I had work again today - but I have been doing yoga every morning, dans meine bedroom. Aren’t I good? I think my spine is longer.

I got a parcel today from home with pictures and letters from the siblings and siblingettes (my nieces and nephew) and it had my favourite chocolate in the whole world from Coco Chocolatiers boutique on Marmion Road, Portsmouth. Visit them at cocochocolatiers.co.uk

Also if you happen to live close to the boutique or visit Portsmouth I highly recommend this spa! - I love it! - www.southseabeauty.co.uk P.S I heart Southsea and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Wowza - I was sooo grateful for my choccies - I gobbled the lot and I think it made me sleepy so I went to bed with a full tummy. My mission for today was to eat the best chocolate ever. I won.

Ok ok - so today I kinda missed one. I feel like it’s gonna be like when my friend Lauren does Ramadan and she has to make up days at the end because her fasting was interrupted. And so for days after Ramadan she is still fasting and I feel like it goes on forerever! And I feel like it happens every year and I feel like every year I find myself suggesting fun places to eat at the same times she is fasting - how baring of her. (Disclaimer - I’m being silly.) But yes at the end of the two weeks Seth will try and suggest fun places for us to eat and I’ll be sticking lollypop sticks together. He’ll say ‘What the hell are you doing?’ to which I will reply, screaming and shaking - ‘I have to make up the days! Argh!’

Wednesday - June 9th 2010 - 'Contacting the Beyond.'

2010-06-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

You know the point of this two week project thing is you write everyday about something new.

Shhaadddup I make the rules - you can’t tame me with your ’patterns’ I already covered that.

Today I had work so my mini project was to get in touch with people beyond the grave, I bought a Ouija board, some candles, some… I don’t even know enough of what the next steps would be to lie about this one! So I will just be honest - I made it my raisin d’etre (my raison of being - sounds like a cockney being French) - to get in touch with a Mr. Quentin Crew. He is someone in my life who has always inspired me spiritually and he had written me an email that I had taken in mentally but had yet to reply with a genuine response. Mmm - I hate simplifying people down to one perception of them but I feel like I could just give a mini lesson in a few things Quentin has taght me recently that I feel readers could benefit from.

1. Don’t blindly trust everything the media tells you. Have some common sense.
2. You are not a sheep - don’t do things JUST to please others. Live for yourself too.
3. Have an open mind.
4. Eating healthily is important. (Imagery for you - he would always be making a bowl of porridge whilst I sat next to him - see he would have never told me off or preach he would just do the healthy thing. And finally two years after our porridge/smoke evenings - I eat healthily and don’t smoke.)
5. Success is judged by you alone. Being the president of the United States doesn’t necessarily make you the most successful person. See I would never want to be Pres - so if I found myself being Pres I wouldn’t have succeeded by the standards I want to succeed in. Make sense? (Also I get that you don’t just wake up one day and you are Pres - lol but it’s like totally metaphor or something or nothing.)
6. He doesn’t say things like don’t or should and that’s where I’m failing - I really am just trying to simplify a lot of conversations into bullets.

He simply inspires me being himself. I don’t always agree with him and vice versa - but I think I can always see where he is coming from and that’s something pretty great hey? So emailing him is worthy of a project - and he really lkes Bill Hicks. So like watch some Bill Hicks and maybe you’ll be more like him. ( I know Andy, I know.) Also he has the energy of a pixie and this makes me giggle - and although he is straight and has a beautiful girlfriend he has a ‘man crush’ on Seth, this also makes me giggle.

Tuesday - 8th June 2010 - 'Living with Amy.'

2010-06-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

Having failed my stint as a seamstress, (yes I am aware of patterns but that’s just not how I roll, I can’t be tamed with your pattern malark.) Tuesday was about something I know. My story about a girl called Amy and her elicit love affair with a mentalist Canadian. I think I’m a little shy about putting an exert on here - which I planned to do originally - I have now written and somewhat polished part one. How many parts will there be you ask? Not sure yet. But I knew the arc for part one and I wanted to get it done and have it critiqued - Thank you Rose! (She did this at great length - her MA dissertation in Spenser means she likes to have ‘academic breaks’ and do something you know actually intellectual like critique my attempts at chic lit.) So yes - Tuesday I was simply writing and re-writing these characters and their twisted little stories. Something I do like about writing about a person like me in a situation I have never found myself in - I can ‘write-slander’ whoever I like, behind my very thin veil. Fun!

Part one - ‘Letter To Rose’ is available to rent from the PEP library.

Monday - 7th June 2010 - 'Day Two – being the seemstress.'

2010-06-08T09:09:00.001-07:00

Not quite. I had these two beautiful pieces of fabric, I was so excited to make them into a beautiful dress, top, skirt whatever – something a little more sophisticated than wrapping it around my body and pretending it’s a couture gown because I hold it with my little paws in the right places. Cut, cut, cut, sew, sew, sew. My cut and paste approach to clothes making is probably why I don’t do so well, but this time – it was a project. This time would be different. I was sewing in a straight line, this was better than I had ever done. I felt like Vivienne Westwood in her little Oxford boutique, you know minus all the talent. I finished my top, popped it on and realized once again I had made scrubs. Unevenly cut scrubs, apparently my left half is a lot fatter than my right. Pretty much the same issue with the dress that can only be a skirt because I make it about half the size of my chest – it has pockets though, that’s pretty impressive.
Day two – fail. Woops.

Sunday - June 6th 2010 - 'Yoga'

2010-06-06T13:01:00.001-07:00

Before having lunch I would like to briefly describe my first yoga experience. Wow. Now that’s my kind of workout. It’s not something I feel can be quickly done in 20 minutes it needs time, an empty house and a free mind. If possible I seem to have relieved tension in my back but transferred it to my neck. Even though the very calm lady on the DVD kept warning me not to stretch my neck too far forward I’m afraid I still did. I feel totally relaxed but genuinely like I’ve had a workout. I hope it is a workout – it was like lots of stretches but really chilled and it did use up a lot of muscles but I suppose not in a way I am used to. So yes – I feel good about my body but I wonder if that’s because the lady kept telling me I will feel good about it after. Either way I feel like I have made a positive step towards understanding something I have not only always wanted to try but something that keeps getting recommended to me.

Something that always put me off yoga was the pretentiousness that sometimes surrounds it and I think it’s because people keep trying to make it a public affair. I really am glad I didn’t do it in a gym, the whole experience felt very intimate and personal because, I suppose of its heavy emphasis on meditation so I’m glad I was alone, I really did find it easier to just switch off and ‘listen to my body’ – OK see another reason why it should be private! So we can privately say things like ‘listen to the body’ as opposed to a collective of people being intimate with themselves. MMm maybe it’s just the difference between worship in a church and worship at home.
Still Day one – Yoga. Great Stuff.

Sunday - June 6th 2010 - 'Two Weeks'

2010-06-06T09:50:00.001-07:00

I have been really rather undisciplined of late and so I am taking a two-week challenge. It sounds very sad-act but it’s a clear two week plan where I tackle certain projects I have had in mind. My Two-Week Project challenge. I haven’t written anything proposal wise for a very long time and I have been getting really rather sloppy with my approach to other mini projects.
I am hoping by dedicating an entire day to things I have been putting off I can focus more on the projects I can push to the side and those I want to focus on more regularly. Also I plan to blog every day. See if I say it here, you all know if I don’t quite manage it.
Day One – Yoga. This has interested me for a long time and I have checked out classes etc but I think I want to practice in the comfort of the front room whilst no one is in. I am going to the library to check out a DVD (because technology is the true meaning of Yoga) and I’m going to try it out for a couple of hours – really give it my full attention. My back has been tightening more often than I think it ever used to and a lovely lady at work recommended Yoga. She also said I might have back pain because I have been putting things off, on the ‘back-burner’ if you please. So again, I like to keep a very open mind to ideas like this so I am hoping project fortnight will pull to light a few of those problems and if my back gets better well then – it’s all worth it for that alone! After coffee I am off to the library, will blog later with Jerry Springer’s afterthought slash actually my afterthought.

Saturday - June 5th 2010 - 'It's Alright!'

2010-06-06T09:09:00.000-07:00

A few fun photos from Seth's and my day off.

He put on his glasses and said it made the day look dirty so we spent a while trying to capture a dirty day, through a lens.

I couldn't get enough of the way the mint in the garden smelled and I imagined one of the flowers was vanilla and had smelling pudding.

Seth wore our blanket as a cape.

I found a bumbleebee costume in the garage,

We tried to listen to Supergrass ‘Alright’ whilst cycling.

I had a mini kip in the park and Seth took silly photos.

Wednesday - June 2nd 2010 - 'Doing it the Gallo-way'

2010-06-02T09:53:00.001-07:00

Doing it the Gallo-way

The shop I work in is called ‘Galloways’ – it’s a specialty food store and you can look it up online, sha! I discussed odd customers but here are a few extracts from customers that genuinely made me laugh…
• Discussing Quinoa ( a super grain) with a lady – talking about the difference between red, black and white, I told her I had tried red, preferred white but had never tried black to which she replied, ‘I prefer black, then again – as my friends would say I like everything black.’ She winked at me and I burst into laughter. The idea of her saying to a chap – ‘I like my men like I like my Quinoa – Black.’ Loved her loads – just to paint a picture she was about 60, white with grey hair and a hippy-ish vibe.
Oh wait – that’s about it I don’t think I’m allowed to say what all the ex-pats who come into my store say but I love ex-pats, I especially love hearing them swear and give their insights on Canadian living. But as for things I’m allowed to discuss freely – I guess the Black Quinoa is mostly it. ‘Citing.

Friday - 28th-30th May 2010 - 'Seattle Baby'

2010-06-02T09:52:00.001-07:00

We got on a greyhound at 6 in the maarning and arrived in Seattle at 10.30 – crossing the border takes up quite a lot of that time, first thing we did was stroll into a Starbucks (obvs, Seattle is home to the first ever Starbucks and there are A LOT of them around.) And after the largest coffee ever ask where we can get money changed. 4 of the campest men I have ever met told us in a tandem of finger pointing and chin rubbing and discussion and answers, the answer seem to come swiftly I imagine the prior routine of trying to figure out where the bank was, was simply an in to show off their acting talent, as it was just over the road. I knew I was gonna like this place, Richmond can be so drab sometimes I think OTT gay men was just what the doctor ordered.
We moseyed around the shops and ate in various places and went to the Pike place market and at about 5 o clock decided we were exhausted so got on the bus over the river to check into our hotel. The hotel was lovely and right over the road from a whole foods market (like a health food supermarket, it’s amazing) which would come in handy the next day when I realize I might keel over with all the junk food and bad chemicals we have managed to eat.
That night Seth and I decided to order room service, that would be fun, sitting in our undies, watching tele and eating bad food that someone else cooked – amarz. Except Seth didn’t quit manage to intercept the small woman with the tray of food at the door and she came straight on it to our very messy room and placed our food on the table in the far end of the room, whilst I, simply in a vest top and knickers tried to somewhat cover up the fact I was simply in a vest top and knickers. She looked at me semi horrified whilst I tried my hardest to act semi normal about my semi nudity. She handed me the check – bloody hell I thought, I can’t get up and I don’t carry money on my person in bed. Seth wasn’t helping much either, so I told the poor old lady that Seth would pay and pointed to him over by the door – he just stood there looking confused and upset by the whole thing. To us we wanted dinner in bed in privacy to her we were some sick people who get down to our undies and instruct elderly Chinese women into our room to bring us chicken. Quite scarring for everyone involved.

We swam in the outside pool – everyone thought we were nuts because it was raining but the pool was warm so they lost out, we ordered more room service, fully clothed of course, we went back to Seattle did more touristy things like going up the space needle, visiting pike place, going to the folk life fair. Seattle has a great vibe – in comparison to my last voyage to a new city (Vienna), I wasn’t awestruck by the place but I did feel very comfortable there, I can say I enjoyed it muchly and would deffo go back there to stay.

Wednesday - May 26th 2010 - 'Happy birthday to massself.'

2010-06-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

Blog, sweet blog - ahhh. For an entire week I haven’t been able to get to my writing – listen to me all artsy and angsy - ‘oooh I need my creative outlet’ – but this feels good to be hand to keyboard again – the clippety clip of the keys. Noice. In a whole week I haven’t written anymore of my never-to-be-read novel or my never-to-be-performed-play or any pieces for ANYTHING – and it felt weird. If a writer stops writing in a forest and no-one hears her, did she ever stop writing? – Yes I realise this makes next to no sense but I was enjoying the vibe of this oohhh soooo melancholy intro.

My birthday was last Wednesday, duh – do they still have a national holiday on it? I hope so, Queenie promised me personally. Everyone in England knows the Queen. And against all the odds, against my brat like tendencies and my somewhat loner status I had a wonderful birthday! I cycled to meet my friend Yaz – a very beautiful person, she is probably the Persian version of me. (I know that some of you in particular are thinking, how can there be a Persian version of you? Aren’t you Persian? – No AUSTEN, I’m not!) And we had a lovely lunch – it was raining a bit but apparently that’s good luck and some dude told me I ‘look hot even in the rain’ – I like this for a compliment. Think of the variations – ‘you look hot in the sunshine, not great in the rain and damn right horrible when it’s windy, your cheeks blow around too much.’ ‘In the wind you look good, 5 outa 10 in the rain, don’t go out in the sunshine, does nothing for you.’ What weather suits you? I reckon for lots of you I could actually tell you, but we could compare notes .
Side note --- this blog has a lot of side notes!
In the arvo I cooked my meal because I like what I cook and cooking reminds me of home – ironic that I never cooked at home but cooking the things I cook reminds me of a cook whose cooking I cooked, I mean liked. And I made the gaudiest, sugaryest cake I could – I bought a thick frosting that had rainbow bits in it, and then covered the cake in three different types of sugar sprinkles and wrote my name in big, pink sugar coated almonds. The thing was nearly inedible it was so sweet, but we soldiered through! And I watched glee with the fam – and had cosmos, obvs.
Then next day I worked, such fun, slash not so much but afterwards Arlene (a new superbreed of woman, I now work with) and I went to go see Sex and the City 2. – I haven’t read any bad reviews of this film because I don’t read further than the title – but I have noticed a few bad review titles, and I say ‘bite me’ - does anybody ask for more outa Sex and the City than good fashion, iconic cities, the girls and at least some plot? No, I didn’t think so – I love SATC and the films are just like watching an episode that went missed – they are great, if you like SATC you won’t be disso and if you don’t like SATC erm don’t watch the film, that’s common sense.
So Seattle how was that? You’ll have to wait and see….

Sunday - May 23rd 2010 - 'A big emergency over sexualised plastic bags...'

2010-05-23T09:37:00.001-07:00

I love making lists on word of what to do for the day because the button that crosses words off is so much fun. On today’s TO DO list – write blog and because I love that strike through line so very much – here it is.
Seth and I have booked a trip to Seattle for next weekend to celebrate my birthday! Woop! I’m still a little funny about my birthday being on a Wednesday when everyone else is either at work or in England. I think I plan on tackling this by making a very lavish and gaudy cake for myself, using lots of the cake decorating stuff from work and being drunk while I do this. Seth will be home by two so I think I’ll manage after that. I know I’m being whingey and silly but my birthday last year was HAMAZING! And although I know I don’t want to compete with my 21st birthday it would be nice to have some company! Awww weeeel I’ll let you know how it goes…
Dans le autre news – lol – I love the show Glee, is that awful? I think it might be because while I’m watching it I’m thinking – this is nerdy. But I get over that quickly and just love the diversity and positivity of the entire thing. Also one of the main characters reminds me of Seth and so when he does stupid things I think, ‘aww Seth you daft git’ and I feel really rather warmed by it.
I am continuing to enjoy working at Galloways – I love the people I work with, I do have my favourites but that’s OK – I don’t publish a weekly list or anything (ha glist) with my top 3 because that would be weird and my top 3 doesn’t change often enough to publish a weekly list. I could perhaps publish a top 3 weirdest customers once a week though. This would defo be a weekly thing – OK s let me rank them for you for last week…
1. German/Russian lady who coughed
2. Inappropriate English man who loves Jamaican songs
3. Canvas bag hater
So let me explain now you know the list.
1. Number one was a lady of European extraction with a very think GERUSSIAN accent who coughed in the isle next to the till (which I refer to as my office) I asked ‘Are you OK?’ She coughed again, I asked ‘Are you OK?’ again in no different a tone then the first time. She appears from behind the crisps and rice cakes and says ‘What you never hear person cough before?’ a dead serious look on her face and a mocking snarl to her voice, ‘No, it’s not that – just was hoping you were OK, maybe you needed water.’ ‘You think, somehow, it is big emergency when a person cough?’ ‘Nope.’ ‘Ha. Never hear a person cough? It is not some big emergency.’ She mocked me a little further while I rung through her groceries and then left, sure as shit not to cough and I was sure as shit not going to ask her how her day was or anything, I could imagine --‘what a person has never had a day before? You think it big emergency if a customer comes in the shop?’ I do a wonderful impression of this lady – ask me in the future to perform - I will happily oblige.
2. Old English chap comes in, perhaps about 70 odd and asks me a good substitute for sugar, I talk him through the various options, chap realizes I’m English and is very excited to talk to me about how much he loves Jamaicans and English people’s sense of humor. (He has a point – the humor is very different over here – disclaimer – this is not saying anyone is funnier than anyone else, the humor is different.) But his point was Jamaicans and English are similar mostly because they are filthy and love innuendo all day every day. He spends a good 25 minutes telling me about how he hangs out with only Jamaicans (though there aren’t very many here in Vancouver) and likes to have street parties once a week, he has already managed to reference sexual jokes without saying anything too offensive – so I guess I have to give him points – and then he tells me this story about how he was having a street party and they were blasting music out of their van and are all falling about listening to this song, but no one else got why the song was funny. The song is about a chap who takes his cockerel to a cock fight, but the cockerel only has one leg – ‘put my cock in a sling, it still won’t stand up,’ so on and so on – it was funny but I found myself a tad uncomfortable talking about songs and jokes that eluded to erectile dysfunction at work.
3. Chap comes in quite a lot and insists salt is the worst thing ever, he has a point, but every time I say ‘did you bring a bag?’ ‘Nope’ he replies quite defiantly – fine the first few times I suppose but he comes in really regularly – ‘Come on you shop here often enough to bring a bag – bring it next time’ – I can say stuff like this all day everyday because I’m soooo sweeeeet and he gives me this spiel about how environmentalists don’t care about their immortal soul – ‘oh yeah – we’ll be so green we all go to HELL! But it’s OK because the plastic bags didn’t get used!’ or something, he was getting quite worked up. Frankly I don’t see the issue – just bring a canvas bag, you can still pray I won’t stop you doing that – and you can go to heaven and be green. Next time he came him he had a canvas bag – wasn’t happy about it but he brought it. I swore to him I cut down on salt – which I have, but I felt like perhaps we had reached a compromise – think he probably felt embarrassed about going on about HELL!!! AND DAMNATION!!! Over a plastic bag.
Will keep you updated on the customers – it does sadly show that for the most part, the people most concerned about their health are batty old people.

Wednesday - May 12th 2010 - 'Serious journo stuff...'

2010-05-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

In my attempt to be a serious journo....

Not really but I am exploring life on twitter - I didn't really get it, I still don't get it - but I wanted to follow Michael Buckley - who does the 'What the Buck' show on YouTube. He's fan-fucking-tastic. Not only is he funny, he just seems like a wonderful person - that's gross right? I don't know him - but he puts out a better message than loads of people online nowadays. Love him - watch him - you will laugh!

My column in the Richmond News is out today and I have an upcoming piece in the newspaper, 'British Columbian,' and 'Celtic Living.' Both on Afternoon Tea - yay! Hopefully one day I will move off 'portfolio' pieces and start doing pieces for money, until then I am loving writing whatever the hell I like. Scones and clotted cream - brilliant.

What the Buck.

This is a photo of me from last summer - the vodka, the tan, the dress, the general vibe of being with 'the fox' and being naughty, is the general feeling I want again for this summer.

P.S

2010-05-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

The last post was supposed to be funny!
If you don't get it - you're not Camp enough! Tss Tss Tss

P.S LAUREN I LOVE YOU!!!

Monday - May 10th 2010 - 'Can-gay-dian'

2010-05-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

I felt the need to immediately follow up my last blog so the cringe sting doesn’t stay too long! Erk.
OK I have two things I have wanted to divulge – first is fact, second is opinion.
Fact. Canadians can be wayyy too sensitive. Even the not so sensitive ones are still more so than the average Brit. Not a critique just means I feel like I have to censor myself more than I am used to – which is prolly not a bad thing, I talk out of my arse quite a lot.
Opinion. Canada needs to be camper. Like if I say camp things, (you know really funny and fast paced) people think I’m just being British and therefore weird. This seems odd – but yeah Canada needs more glitter, more make it happy, make it snappy, make it gay. It needs more me – probs. I’m gayer than Lady Gaga .Canada if you can – CAMP IT UP.

Went for a wonderful bike ride with Abi yesterday – Abi you need a pseudonym – please pick something drag-tastic!
Long cycle rides along the dyke – they are trying – with the mountains and the ocean and big ol corn fields – amarze-dog and then banana fudge and chocolate praline ice cream. MMM! What more could a girl want? Except I want everyone to remember my birthday – May 26th. Please don’t forget! Mwoah xxx

I have watched tooooooo much 'What the Buck' - you can hear it in my writing.

Monday - May 10th 2010 - 'V.O.L'

2010-05-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

Which means Vomit Out Loud. OBVIOUSLY.
I don’t usually do this – there is probably a reason for it, and I think I already know it. Because it is massively gross but I want to say this: I love my boyfriend. No surprises for a lot of you – but I pretty much wanted to put it out there. I am doing this continuing piece about what it is like ‘keeping a boyfriend’ – sounds sadact, I know but I do think women in relationships is just as interesting a topic as single ladies. I love both lifestyles but I think the single ladies thing is covered and I get pretty tired of hearing – ‘girls in relationships are boring’ so yes – the pieces, I’m not sure where they will be –I’m opening up a new blog I think with more of my segments from larger written pieces and clips of ‘keeping a boyfriend’ will be in there. For people not interested that is fine – don’t follow it up – for those who are interested keep your mince pies peeled. There are so many challenges that being a couple presents and I don’t really think Carrie and Big should be the only people we look up to. And I mean come on – the writers so did not know what to do with Charlotte in the Sex and the City movie they made her shit herself! The stuff with Charlotte and baldy in the series was great (I’m sorry Harry, you were in Californication the t.v show and you wanked in your office – I can’t take you seriously as Charlotte’s hubby any more) stuff like him being nude and leaving his tea bags everywhere – that was comedic. Boys love being nude in a way I don’t think girls quite do – maybe if we’re feeling wild for a hot second but after that we generally need panties on. Anyway – I think I will discuss more than male nudity in the other pieces. Let me know.
Want to just elaborate – I love Seth, considering how big a role he plays in my life I don’t really give him the blog time he deserves – mostly because he would HATE IT! And mostly because I don’t really want people to ‘not get him’ when he is soo wonderful and I admire him loads and I genuinely do believe he is fucking hot. Hotter than whalberg, hotter than Robert Downey Jr and waaaaay hotter than anyone I have ever dated. VOM VOM VOM. (those voms were both at some people from my past and how mushy I am being.) OK. Enough, don’t be sipping on hatorade. Love the Love.